Break Through The Chains

a slightly brighter view...

The past few weeks have been torturous. Privately, anyhow. Work is good. Hope is good. I have a roof over my head, a car to drive the byways and clean water to drink. But privately, I've been trudging through a little mud. Mud from my past. And now that I've typed that, mud isn't a good word to use. It's just thick. And I've avoided it - or didn't recognize it, for a very, very long time.

Today, I find myself feeling a little more free. I've created a compartment, moved some things there and find my heart with a little more room to breathe. I opened up a bit, received some forgiveness. I guess I feel more "whole." Some longings and regrets that may always live, but they don't have to rule me today.

I'm being vague. And that's on purpose.

The past weekend was beautiful. I love the sun. We took some of Hope's friends and saw HSM3. That's High School Musical 3 for those of you without kids under 10. :) Lee and Hope took off on Saturday morning for a community service project (ie badge-earner). Gave me some time to work off some of my new-found "freedom" in the form of a cleaning binge. You know the job is well-done when the perfectionist in your life is impressed.

We did a little pumpkin carving, some teriyaki eating (yum!), reality-tv catching up and slept in. Which in our world, means 7:30 am. Lee surprised me with pancakes in bed on Sunday...which save the moments I am sick, might be a first? Hmmm. :)

Hope wanted to hang back in her pajamas and watch a movie with her Daddy on Sunday, so I ventured to church on my lonesome. I was okay with it, truthfully. I felt the need for some emotional purging, so I headed to Puyallup Foursquare for service (vs. going to church at my little Enumclaw church). No reason, except that P4S's worship absolutely rocks. I knew I could enter in (and out) anonymously. Marc Wymore led worship - and he simply rocks. I've posted a video of a song he wrote via you tube, on the post above (or below?). "Break these Chains." Take a listen. He's awesome.

Anyhow..shed some tears, move and groove without a lot of questions - and was left alone.Which is why I went there. I wish Hope liked their kid's program...because I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the atmosphere at that church. The kid's program at our church in Enumclaw is smaller-scale, more hands-on bible learning and Hope loves it. And that, friends who have wondered and ask, is why I switched.


I'm rambling. A little therapy for me, I suppose.


And finally, after a doc appt this morning, it looks like surgery is in my future. Bleh. I don't feel like sharing on the blogwaves...just say, it shall be not a lot of fun. That's for certain. I'll know more next week.

Off to enjoy the remainder of this sunny day! :)

good things today

I'm having an emotional day. For so many reasons. Not all bad. Just emotional. But here are some good things - and I'm reminding myself right now.

1. I think the heart does go on.

2. Sunshine is the most beautiful medicine - today, albeit cold outside, is no exception.

3. Trader Joe's is hands-down my favorite grocery store. I'm enjoying some white bean and basil hummus today along with a little trail mix called "tempting." And it is.

4. I am growing. Through some pretty sharp growing pains. Recognizing some long-ago losses. Dealing with the delayed pain of the loss. Picking myself up, dusting off my heart and believing that I will be okay.

5. Jesus still loves me. Amazingly, but He does.

6. We are going to see High School Musical 3 tonight. yesss...... :)

Since I began this blog, hours have passed. A friend brought me the gift of a few chapters from a meaningful (and suprisingly appropriate) book she is reading. I enjoyed a very light lunchtime conversation with peeps I rarely see. And I just enjoyed a homemade banana muffin.

Things are looking up. :)

quote for the day

"The symptoms and the illness are not the same thing. The illness exists long before the symptoms. Rather than being the illness, the symptoms are the beginning of its cures. The fact that they are unwanted makes them all the more a phenomenon of grace - a gift of God, a message from the unconscious, if you will, to initiate self-examination and repair."

M. Scott Peck
The Road Less Traveled

a little boredom blogging...

I'm not really bored. Just blogging about some boring things. Or less than exciting. But here it is. :)

Hope and I made banana muffins tonight. They were VERY good.Very, very good.

Hope's cheesy grin. Holding her freshly baked muffins. Again, so yummy. :)

Facebook. I spend far too much time on this. Even in the middle of muffin baking.

My cup of freshly brewed tea. Pomegranite Green Tea. Mmmmmm. :)
We were also watching Hannah Montana while Facebooking and baking (and eating) banana muffins.
Hope picked up the camera this morning. Kind of a goofy pose on my part..but there you have it.

My Heart Will Go On - Celine Dion

poignant. :)

remembering a great man

Earl Cumpston, Jr.

10/11/38 - 9/11/08

I attended a memorial service for Earl Cumpston today. He was a big ol' teddy bear, in my book. I confess that it's been a few years since I saw him live and in person. But he is permanently imprinted on my heart. And Lee's. And what looked to be about 200 other folks in attendance today.

Earl's wife MariKay (MK) has been my email and prayer buddy for years. She calls me sleeves (don't ask) and makes a mean chicken stuffing casserole. She and Earl were part of a small group with Lee and I 11-ish years ago. They cared for us and loved us through some crazy days surrounding the death of Lee's mom. And now, she and I are facebook friends. We keep a lively conversation going through that crazy social network at least once a week. Usually on politics. Or Joe Biden's use of botox. Or the possibility of a translator for some of my lingo. :)

The most amazing thing about today was the obvious legacy Earl left. His two kids, his friends, his family, his wife, the cowboys he served....and me. The words spoken by their pastor confirmed what I know to be true: Earl loved people. And he loved them well. He had a heart to help - and he was flat-out lovable. When I say he was a teddy bear, I'm not kidding. I'm honored to have known such a man. And have pondered the question all day long: We're only given a short time on this planet. What are we doing with our lives? How am I touching others? And what kind of legacy am I leaving. Am I living like Earl? Can I live like that?

Good questions, eh?

Earl, you are remembered. You are loved. And you lived well. I'm wondering if what Pastor Scott said is true. Are you dancing? Because I'd like to see a little of that.

:)