The past few weeks have been grueling. Really. I haven't had much of a blog spark in me - and am truthfully unsure if it's with me now, but am giving it a shot.
Fresh off the heels of our Mazatlan vacation, our team (work) was hit with devastating news. Our show host and managing editor's husband took his own life. I don't have a lot of words for this except that Mark and Peggy have loved the Lord all of their lives. From what I can tell through watching the service, reading the obituary comments and the outpouring of love for this 20-year marriage counseling veteran, He was "Jesus with skin on." To say our friend/colleague and her college-aged daughters are devastated is the understatement of the year. God has been present, to be certain - but there are no real answers for the way Mark ended his life or the pain that is left behind for his loved ones to wade through.
There are a few other precious people in my life who are walking through such extreme times right now. Some of them have been for years. Some travel in and out of it. There was a point last week where I felt like I could sink from the weight of it. The desperate need to pray. The question of how to pray in the face of such dark and tragic needs. The questions for God of "why" and "how" and "how long?"
One of these precious people is wrestling with tremendous health issues. She has been for years - but this time it's serious. And it's scary. And I think she summed it up best:
"As I walk through this very painful time, it is NOT helpful to have my loved ones remind me of what the Word says. Or how I should be walking. Or what I should be hoping for. What I really need is for someone to say: 'I don't know why this is happening to you. I love you. God loves you. Let's pray.'"
This friend of mind is heavily immersed in ministry (aka a calling on her Christian life!). She knows her stuff and touches people and loves deeply. Same story with my co-worker and friend who lost her husband. And the others who are walking through painful times.
I guess I've just been taken aback by some painful times in my own little life right now - and the depth of darkness in the Godly lives of folks I love.
A few years back, I think I was one of those people tossing quick theology and snippets at people in pain. Today, I'm almost speechless in the face of so much. And weeping with them. And for myself. And on my face at the throne of my King asking that He might come. And meet us. And carry us through continued difficult days. We know the Word. We understand His promises. We are even able to "pull up our bootstraps" and find the hand of our Savior as He guides us through the murky waters. But He doesn't seem to be changing things. Or delivering us from the pain. Instead, He just walks with us through it. With no real promise of an end.
The biggest kicker is this: God doesn't promise us an easy life. He gave His son over to the most horrific death. The darkest darkness. The most unbelievable pain. Jesus asked for God to remove the task at hand from Him. But He didn't. He gave His beloved over. For us and for the greatest gift. Paul's thorn remained. Job lost everything. "The others" in Hebrews 11:35 suffered torture and beatings as they were faithfully seeking God - and didn't see any relief (reward) on earth until they were delivered to Heaven.
Hooey. That's a lot. I'm just wrestling this all through and it's been a lot. And a little isolated. But through the darkness and the pain surrounding me right now - God has been present. That much I know.
On a lighter note - I've been so happy to see the sunshine this weekend. Hope had a beach party on Friday that was a lot of fun. The sun peeked out for 10 minutes and all of the kids threw their clothes off (they had their suits on underneath). It was hilarious. :)
I went to the movies with my friend, Ginger. I've been a watcher of "Sex and the City" on regular tv (ie the cleaned up version) for the past few years. Mostly b/c it's on when I'm dozing off at night. Don't judge. :) So we went. And I loved it. Although, the movie wasn't the cleaned up version. Ginger brought popcorn rice cakes. The day was complete.
My neighbor Debbie graduated from community college and threw a party. It was a beautiful distraction for me, really. We ended the evening with a huge game of volleyball. It was quite a hoot.
This has been a rambling blog. But it's where I'm at. And God loves me anyhow. (whew!) Weep with those who weep. Rejoice with those who rejoice.
And still, He is on His throne...
k
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Heman's Cry in the Darkness
I've been diving into some sermons and the Word lately. This message, from one of my favorite pastors (Tim Keller) is so poignant and pointed and exactly for me. So I took notes and thought I'd share it on my blog. It will likely lose something in the translation of voice to written word - but it's so good. If you ever have the chance to download Tim's sermons - http://www.redeemer.com/. Amazing teaching.
Heman's Cry (Psalm 88)
Psalm 88 – is one of the darkest Psalms ever written. It is one of 2 psalms (psalm 39 is the other) that end with NO hope.
O LORD, the God who saves me,
day and night I cry out before you.
2 May my prayer come before you;
turn your ear to my cry.
3 For my soul is full of trouble
and my life draws near the grave. [c]
4 I am counted among those who go down to the pit;
I am like a man without strength.
5 I am set apart with the dead,
like the slain who lie in the grave,
whom you remember no more,
who are cut off from your care.
6 You have put me in the lowest pit,
in the darkest depths.
7 Your wrath lies heavily upon me;
you have overwhelmed me with all your waves.
Selah
8 You have taken from me my closest friends
and have made me repulsive to them.
I am confined and cannot escape;
9 my eyes are dim with grief.
I call to you, O LORD, every day;
I spread out my hands to you.
10 Do you show your wonders to the dead?
Do those who are dead rise up and praise you?
Selah
11 Is your love declared in the grave,
your faithfulness in Destruction [d] ?
12 Are your wonders known in the place of darkness,
or your righteous deeds in the land of oblivion?
13 But I cry to you for help, O LORD;
in the morning my prayer comes before you.
14 Why, O LORD, do you reject me
and hide your face from me?
15 From my youth I have been afflicted and close to death;
I have suffered your terrors and am in despair.
16 Your wrath has swept over me;
your terrors have destroyed me.
17 All day long they surround me like a flood;
they have completely engulfed me.
18 You have taken my companions and loved ones from me;
the darkness is my closest friend.
American Christians are very naïve about suffering in this life. When things go wrong, we are overthrown by it. We believe that we deserve things to work out well. That God will work all things out for our agenda. That He owes it to us somehow.
It’s simply not true. Or not always true. This psalm will help us understand this. If we listen to the messages from the psalm's center – the tough messages, we will be able to discern some wonderful messages that it are whipsered at its edges.
1. Spiritual and personal darkness can last a long time.
Psalm 88 is a prayer that ends without the slightest ray of light – what is the teaching on that? It is this: you can pray and pray and pray – live rightly and still be absolutely plunged for a long, long time into outside and inside darkness. When all the psalmist's prayers are over, he’s still in darkeness. Deep, abandoned darkness.
What is this darkness? Outside darkness is the externals of life. Nothing is going well. Family and friends have abandoned. There’s also a darkness inside – which makes the outside darkenss more difficult. Internal darkness in this case means the psalmist is trusting God as his Savior, but He does not feel God’s presence. He feels abandoned and trampled on by God. Experiencing one ofr the other kinds of darkeness might be bearable. Both kinds of darkness are overwhelming.
Doesn’t the bible say God is working all out for good (Rom 8:28)? It does. But it also contains Psalm 88. The bible also says that you may go all of your life and never know what the good purpose is. Psalm 88 tells us that we can go through long periods of darkness without God’s presence. American Christians are so naïve about this. We say, “I’m a good person. God would never let “this” happen to me.” SO what? Jesus was a good person too. And look what he went through.
2. These desperately dark times are the best place to learn about God’s grace.
This man is not controlling his temper, his tongue or emotion in this psalm. He is cross-examining God. He wants to praise God. He wants to declare His faithfulness – but how can he when he’s being trampled to God. "Why are you not answering me? " He’s mad! Verse 15 to the end – he’s taking the difficulty of his present and saying ‘you have never been there for me, God.” He is not speaking respectfully to God. This only makes this psalm further evidence of God’s grace.
On Psalm 88 and 39’s “blasphemous” tone, Derek Kidner says, “The very presence of these prayers in scripture are a witness to God’s understanding. He knows how men speak when they are desperate.” The fact that God kept these prayers in the bible is proof that God knows how we speak when we are desperate. He is not our God because we put on a happy face in the depth of deep pain. Very liberating.
3. Dark times are often the best place for you to grow into someone great.
These are times where you don’t seem him working around you – or feel His presence internally. You’re getting absolutely nothing out of prayer. Nothing out of serving God. Nothing is “paying off.” There is NO benefit. This is dual darkness.
Think of Job. Satan said to God, “Does Job serve God for nothing?” Meaning – Job is serving God only because “it pays.” Pays off in God’s blessing and peace. Satan went on to say that all people are only serving God for the benefits they receive. So Satan said, “Plunge Job into darkenss. Remove any benefit of serving you at all. No peace. Take it all away from him. He won’t continue to serve you.”
Unfortunately, Satan is right in many instances. We want something from God. And as soon as things get tough and prayers are answered and we see God not answering our prayers…we struggle.
Back to Psalm 88. As bad as things are – the psalmist is screaming and despondent and angry. But he is these things TO God. He is still with God even though he’s getting nothing from Him. What does this mean? Satan is defeated! This man is staying with God for nothing!!
When you move into dual darkness – where serving and praying to God results in nothing – a great choice comes to us. A question from God: “Now, we’ll see finally whether you got in this relationship to serve me or to basically get me to serve you. Because I am not serving you.” In this darkenss, if you just hold on – and can only say, “God, I don’t like you. I don’t understand you. But I’m not going anywhere. I’m going to pray and serve as best I can because you are God. Not because you are working my life out – because you are God and I will serve you. No matter what.” What happens? Satan is defeated – and you are growing.
And when the darkness lifts – and it will - the tenacity to stick with God within the pressure you felt will change you (like a lump of coal into a diamond). You will be someone who serves God for nothing. It’s only in these dark times that you will develop a soul that cannot be dominated.
“Even as hope seems to die, it turns into a new strength as we serve God for nothing.”
It’s in the darkness that you are most likely to become “a great heart.”
4. Darkness can be relativized.
When you are in the darkness, it feels absolute. The psalmist who penned psalm 88 is Heman. Heman felt that the darkness was absolute and permanent – which was wrong. How do we know? We know from 1 Chron 6 that Heman was a leader of musicians and poets. Their songs are in Psalm 40 and 80. If Heman helped write some of the greatest psalms and music – this darkness helped turn him into a great artist. Do you think that (in his darkness) Heman ever thought 2,500 years later that we’d be gathering to talk about his art?
Heman was wrong. God hadn’t abandoned him. It wasn't absolute. It was subjective. And we can know this too. We have the perspective to know that when we feel totally abandoned in our darkness, God is still with us.
End of Psalm 39. End of Psalm 88. “Turn your face away from me God.”
As Jesus died, darkness came down over all the land. Jesus actually got the ultimate and total darkness in his death. He was absolutely and truly abandoned in his death. Why was God’s face turned away from him?
The answer: Everything Satan said is true. We do exploit God. But God wants to forgive us. For God to forgive us, our inordinate self-centeredness and trampling on one another…he came to earth as Jesus Christ. He took the ultimate wrath. Jesus was abandon – so that when we feel abandoned, we are not. When the ultimate darkness was coming in the Garden of Gethsemane, he Didn’t leave. He didn’t abandon His call when His father turned his face.
God hasn’t abandon us. Jesus already paid the debt. He loves us. Jesus is working in our abandonment.
What does this mean? There’s an answer to the psalmist’s question.
The resurrection makes it impossible to be in utter darkness. Even if you are IN total darkness. And the darkness can happen at any time – even if you don’t deserve it and without you knowing why. BUT, there are answers and a purpose. And someday, you will know it.
Heman's Cry (Psalm 88)
Psalm 88 – is one of the darkest Psalms ever written. It is one of 2 psalms (psalm 39 is the other) that end with NO hope.
O LORD, the God who saves me,
day and night I cry out before you.
2 May my prayer come before you;
turn your ear to my cry.
3 For my soul is full of trouble
and my life draws near the grave. [c]
4 I am counted among those who go down to the pit;
I am like a man without strength.
5 I am set apart with the dead,
like the slain who lie in the grave,
whom you remember no more,
who are cut off from your care.
6 You have put me in the lowest pit,
in the darkest depths.
7 Your wrath lies heavily upon me;
you have overwhelmed me with all your waves.
Selah
8 You have taken from me my closest friends
and have made me repulsive to them.
I am confined and cannot escape;
9 my eyes are dim with grief.
I call to you, O LORD, every day;
I spread out my hands to you.
10 Do you show your wonders to the dead?
Do those who are dead rise up and praise you?
Selah
11 Is your love declared in the grave,
your faithfulness in Destruction [d] ?
12 Are your wonders known in the place of darkness,
or your righteous deeds in the land of oblivion?
13 But I cry to you for help, O LORD;
in the morning my prayer comes before you.
14 Why, O LORD, do you reject me
and hide your face from me?
15 From my youth I have been afflicted and close to death;
I have suffered your terrors and am in despair.
16 Your wrath has swept over me;
your terrors have destroyed me.
17 All day long they surround me like a flood;
they have completely engulfed me.
18 You have taken my companions and loved ones from me;
the darkness is my closest friend.
American Christians are very naïve about suffering in this life. When things go wrong, we are overthrown by it. We believe that we deserve things to work out well. That God will work all things out for our agenda. That He owes it to us somehow.
It’s simply not true. Or not always true. This psalm will help us understand this. If we listen to the messages from the psalm's center – the tough messages, we will be able to discern some wonderful messages that it are whipsered at its edges.
1. Spiritual and personal darkness can last a long time.
Psalm 88 is a prayer that ends without the slightest ray of light – what is the teaching on that? It is this: you can pray and pray and pray – live rightly and still be absolutely plunged for a long, long time into outside and inside darkness. When all the psalmist's prayers are over, he’s still in darkeness. Deep, abandoned darkness.
What is this darkness? Outside darkness is the externals of life. Nothing is going well. Family and friends have abandoned. There’s also a darkness inside – which makes the outside darkenss more difficult. Internal darkness in this case means the psalmist is trusting God as his Savior, but He does not feel God’s presence. He feels abandoned and trampled on by God. Experiencing one ofr the other kinds of darkeness might be bearable. Both kinds of darkness are overwhelming.
Doesn’t the bible say God is working all out for good (Rom 8:28)? It does. But it also contains Psalm 88. The bible also says that you may go all of your life and never know what the good purpose is. Psalm 88 tells us that we can go through long periods of darkness without God’s presence. American Christians are so naïve about this. We say, “I’m a good person. God would never let “this” happen to me.” SO what? Jesus was a good person too. And look what he went through.
2. These desperately dark times are the best place to learn about God’s grace.
This man is not controlling his temper, his tongue or emotion in this psalm. He is cross-examining God. He wants to praise God. He wants to declare His faithfulness – but how can he when he’s being trampled to God. "Why are you not answering me? " He’s mad! Verse 15 to the end – he’s taking the difficulty of his present and saying ‘you have never been there for me, God.” He is not speaking respectfully to God. This only makes this psalm further evidence of God’s grace.
On Psalm 88 and 39’s “blasphemous” tone, Derek Kidner says, “The very presence of these prayers in scripture are a witness to God’s understanding. He knows how men speak when they are desperate.” The fact that God kept these prayers in the bible is proof that God knows how we speak when we are desperate. He is not our God because we put on a happy face in the depth of deep pain. Very liberating.
3. Dark times are often the best place for you to grow into someone great.
These are times where you don’t seem him working around you – or feel His presence internally. You’re getting absolutely nothing out of prayer. Nothing out of serving God. Nothing is “paying off.” There is NO benefit. This is dual darkness.
Think of Job. Satan said to God, “Does Job serve God for nothing?” Meaning – Job is serving God only because “it pays.” Pays off in God’s blessing and peace. Satan went on to say that all people are only serving God for the benefits they receive. So Satan said, “Plunge Job into darkenss. Remove any benefit of serving you at all. No peace. Take it all away from him. He won’t continue to serve you.”
Unfortunately, Satan is right in many instances. We want something from God. And as soon as things get tough and prayers are answered and we see God not answering our prayers…we struggle.
Back to Psalm 88. As bad as things are – the psalmist is screaming and despondent and angry. But he is these things TO God. He is still with God even though he’s getting nothing from Him. What does this mean? Satan is defeated! This man is staying with God for nothing!!
When you move into dual darkness – where serving and praying to God results in nothing – a great choice comes to us. A question from God: “Now, we’ll see finally whether you got in this relationship to serve me or to basically get me to serve you. Because I am not serving you.” In this darkenss, if you just hold on – and can only say, “God, I don’t like you. I don’t understand you. But I’m not going anywhere. I’m going to pray and serve as best I can because you are God. Not because you are working my life out – because you are God and I will serve you. No matter what.” What happens? Satan is defeated – and you are growing.
And when the darkness lifts – and it will - the tenacity to stick with God within the pressure you felt will change you (like a lump of coal into a diamond). You will be someone who serves God for nothing. It’s only in these dark times that you will develop a soul that cannot be dominated.
“Even as hope seems to die, it turns into a new strength as we serve God for nothing.”
It’s in the darkness that you are most likely to become “a great heart.”
4. Darkness can be relativized.
When you are in the darkness, it feels absolute. The psalmist who penned psalm 88 is Heman. Heman felt that the darkness was absolute and permanent – which was wrong. How do we know? We know from 1 Chron 6 that Heman was a leader of musicians and poets. Their songs are in Psalm 40 and 80. If Heman helped write some of the greatest psalms and music – this darkness helped turn him into a great artist. Do you think that (in his darkness) Heman ever thought 2,500 years later that we’d be gathering to talk about his art?
Heman was wrong. God hadn’t abandoned him. It wasn't absolute. It was subjective. And we can know this too. We have the perspective to know that when we feel totally abandoned in our darkness, God is still with us.
End of Psalm 39. End of Psalm 88. “Turn your face away from me God.”
As Jesus died, darkness came down over all the land. Jesus actually got the ultimate and total darkness in his death. He was absolutely and truly abandoned in his death. Why was God’s face turned away from him?
The answer: Everything Satan said is true. We do exploit God. But God wants to forgive us. For God to forgive us, our inordinate self-centeredness and trampling on one another…he came to earth as Jesus Christ. He took the ultimate wrath. Jesus was abandon – so that when we feel abandoned, we are not. When the ultimate darkness was coming in the Garden of Gethsemane, he Didn’t leave. He didn’t abandon His call when His father turned his face.
God hasn’t abandon us. Jesus already paid the debt. He loves us. Jesus is working in our abandonment.
What does this mean? There’s an answer to the psalmist’s question.
The resurrection makes it impossible to be in utter darkness. Even if you are IN total darkness. And the darkness can happen at any time – even if you don’t deserve it and without you knowing why. BUT, there are answers and a purpose. And someday, you will know it.
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