one day in may...

It's been an age since the urge to blog has hit me. Not sure it's with me now, but here I am. Nice pic, eh? A self-portrait taken this weekend during a 10-mile training jaunt.

This weekend gave the gift of amazing weather. I'm still holding it tightly. Seeing the sun and blue sky completely motivates me. And by motivates, I mean, gives super powers. :)

The Rock and Roll Marathon is just a month away. A little troupe has gathered together and are attempting to train for this thing (the half). This weekend's 12-miler turned into 10 for the whole of us. We ventured out to Pt. Defiance Park's 5-mile-route. It's now my new favorite place to train. The hills are a little crazy. I won't lie (hence the 12 turning to 10). To say it was a great workout, doesn't do it justice. It was amazing.

One of the vantage points along the route. I tend to be cruising alone. Slower than the rest. But still made great time. Kept waiting for the downhill portion of the route. Note: there weren't many. The Ipod was never even fired up. The atomsphere had me completely engaged.

One of our walking peeps, taking a little break as we took a gander at the Narrows Bridge.

Overall, an amazing weekend made even brighter by seeing my dear friend Nancy - whom I haven't seen in years (but speak to and facebook with regularly)! She's doing the marathon too and did 12 miles at Pt Defiance with her friend, Anita. I also laid eyes on my sweet friend Shannon, her hubby and her adorable girls! An unexpecuted but fabulous surprise on Saturday afternoon! :)

I don't know why I'm sharing - but my hands also stained a deck and a fence (see below) on Friday evening- after a yoga class. The combination left me a little achey as the group headed out for the mileage. Sunday morning found me feeling...pretty good.

That's really it. Our family is really looking forward to the summer months - for so many reasons. A small break from the pace we keep. Conquering the half-marathon. A visit from my sister. Picking some berries. A visit or two to the waterpark. Fourth of July in Yakima. A visit to Arizona (we hope). And a camping trip to southern Oregon and a day trip down the Rogue River. Strangely, I can't wait for Hope to experience rafting on the Rogue. I think she'll love it!

Embracing June...an the sun! And ZUMBA! My new favorite workout (thanks, Danielle!). :)

possible? yes. easy? no.

Don't laugh. THIS is what my heart looks like. Time for an overhaul, yes?

can a messy purse be cleaned up for good?

The last few weeks have been painful. And by painful, I mean they've nearly sent me to the looney bin.

This morning, the start of weepy day number two was on its way. A little bit of emotional processing can take a girl out. I was listening to a sermon from the beginning of the year. Something about overcoming the pain of one's past. The words from the car's CD player felt like they were poking me. I wanted to hear them - because part of me is still looking for the answer. A way out. A way to be free.

The other part of me simply doesn't believe it's possible.

After two days of weepiness and protein bars, I was prime for a fix of "my drug of choice." Food.

As I waded through my purse of the moment, looking for quarters in the bottom of "the bag that never ends" - I was struck by the massive amount of garbage in this oversized black abyss I call my purse. It was a mess. And then it struck me.

I'm just like this messy purse. And by messy, I mean "God-awful-horrific mass of everything you can imagine." The mess irrirates me when I need to find something. I don't like the mess. I wish it were more organized. I might even clean it out now and again.

But the mess always ends up back with me. Burgeoning. Bellowing. If this purse could burp, I think it would. Actually, this purse would belch. It's really disgusting.

Yet, I still lug it around with me.

Somewhere back in the far reaches of my life, lies the start of the mess. In the case of the purse, it may have began innocently enough. A gum wrapper tossed in, meant to throw out later. Change that missed the pocket. Powder without a lid, wrapping itself in a film around everything else. Open lipstick containers. Empty perscription bottles. A January 2008 receipt for thai food (no joke).

I just read the confession is good for the soul, so here it is. I rarely take this "traveling can" anywhere with me. I am motified that anyone see the state of this purse. Sometimes, I feel the same way about my car.

My life isn't much different. It began innocently enough. A little neglect. Hurt feelings. A bit of abuse. My owner not taking the time to take care of me - organizing my pockets. Keeping my insides cleaned up. Give me a good dusting now and again. Filling me with things that are good for me instead of the trash they didn't want.

Eventually (with this kind of care), we become like my jacked-up purse. We learn to live life as a messy purse and its strung-out contents. Compensation makes life manageable, albeit ridiculous.
I don't want to live with my messy heart any longer. That's a true story. I also don't want to live with the messy purse- however, it still sits in my car. I threw a few receipts out. But I didn't do the overhaul.

I want to be free. I want to be a woman with a clean purse. A tidied up heart. The pain from my yesterdays need not form my tomorrows.

The kicker? Beyond asking Jesus to help me out, I'm not sure how to walk this.

Is it possible?