A friend of mine (P) lost her husband a little over one month ago. He took his own life. She's also a co-worker and rejoined our team today after a month of what I believe is the most unimaginable time. In the midst of tears and pain, she had us laughing during our devotional call. Or maybe we had one another laughing. She shared the most hysterical story that may lose something in the translation, but I'm going to give it a shot....
After seven days of themed Texan fellowship preceding the memorial and for many days after, P went for a walk down her street. She met up with one of her elderly neighbors and in her best southern drawl, relayed the following.
N: P, what the he-yell kind of party do you have goin' on at your house? There are cars and cars and more cars. What kind of fun are you havin' down there?
P: Oh, my husband died, Sally (not really her name). My friends have all gathered and are staying with me.
(neighbor grabs her hand, looks intently into her eyes and says...)
N: Oh darlin', I need to tell you somethin'. As bad as it is now, it's only going to get worse. So much worse.
She came over later with a basket and a book entitled, "Widow to Widow." We all decided that the term "widow" wasn't one that we were embracing. At least for today. P is still trying to get her head around the term "suicide" and the fact that in some unfathomable fashion, God allowed this to enter her life. And to end her husband's.
We laughed and we cried. What else can you do? In the midst of of the pain and craziness and making her way back to a God she doesn't feel very sure of or safe with right now, she and her girls are making note of the unbelievable things people are saying to them. And finding laughter.
As we listened and drank in the words of our sister and co-worker, a book came to mind. One I had read when Lee's Mom died. "Where is God When it Hurts?" by Philip Yancey. He writes about the problem of pain - how to meet people where they are at in suffering -- and addresses the unbelievable things folks feel compelled to say in the face of tragedy. I offered up the memory, to which Peggy said. "You'll never believe this, we were with Philip Yancey during the new year. He sent a card to us after the memorial. Let me find it." She read it. And his words were beautiful. Just right. No answers. No attempt at a quick fix or directive. Just sharing the pain through eloquent and thoughtful words. I was grateful that he was able to retain his standing as one of my favorite Christian authors.
I'm still trying to imagine receiving a card from Philip Yancey. I'm excited when James and Shirley Dobson include me in their mass Christmas card mailing. ha!
My heart has been heavy for so many things of late. Amazingly, God still shows up. He doesn't seem to be in the business of delivering me from difficult paths, but He's still there. Asking me to rely on him and no one else. He brings peace. Helps his kids to just hang in there with Him. Helping me believe that even through the worst (albeit relative) pain, there is still a purpose. One that He is working out - maybe for heaven's sake alone, but still...working.
Through my own winding and difficult path, the summer has taken some twists and turns - and still is truthfully. What I do know is...last week, the Lord blessed me with the opportunity to join three fabulous ladies for a live (well, live taping) of NPR's gameshow, "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me" at the Paramount. It's a quiz show on current events/news. The weather was spectacular. The conversation just right. We found the opportunity to celebrate the denial of our dear friend's relocation - something that didn't seem possible to celebrate just a few weeks prior. But I think we did it. I know we are all (selfishily?) so glad she'll be in close locale.
I haven't laughed and smiled so much in a very long time. I won't waste space trying to recreate the humor...just know, it was rich. I highly recommend subscribing to their podcast. Funny stuff. Note: I am a news junkie, so if that's not your thing, scratch my recommendation. The evening was a wonderful break - a breather, even. God was in it. This much I know.
The telecommuting aspect of my job has been an enormous blessing for so many reasons. So thankful for it. Especially right now. My Dad/stepMom visited a few weekends ago. We ate too much, went to Meeker Days, watched Indiana Jones 4 (so not my thing, but enjoyed it!) and were sad to see them go. Hope and I were trying to go home with them for a week...but t'wasn't possible. I did spend many hours on the phone with my littlest sister Katie and have been moved, changed and so thankful for our deep discussions...and the not so deep ones. :) "Now that we've found love, what are gonna do..." Co-dependent no more. Co-dependent no more.
Ah....and finally, my very strong and determined neighbors participated in the Seafair Half Marathon this past Sunday. In the heat of the day (91 degrees!), I am told that the hills of Seafair made our Tacoma experience seem flat. So proud of them. Inspired to begin the search for the next half marathon for myself (and peeps)....and glad I didn't try to participate myself. I don't think I could have made it in the heat. But I have soaked in every story.
So there is the past month, in a nutshell. :) "Library Mondays' are back in full-swing. I highly recommend "Divine" by Karen Kingsbury. Christian fiction - but a book I poured through in 4 hours. One very late night. A modern day Mary Magdalene. Very, very good. I have my summer reading list ready to go...maybe I'll share that in another blog.
"Though he slay me, yet will I hope in Him." Job 13:15 a.
Be blessed! k
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