Break Through The Chains

a slightly brighter view...

The past few weeks have been torturous. Privately, anyhow. Work is good. Hope is good. I have a roof over my head, a car to drive the byways and clean water to drink. But privately, I've been trudging through a little mud. Mud from my past. And now that I've typed that, mud isn't a good word to use. It's just thick. And I've avoided it - or didn't recognize it, for a very, very long time.

Today, I find myself feeling a little more free. I've created a compartment, moved some things there and find my heart with a little more room to breathe. I opened up a bit, received some forgiveness. I guess I feel more "whole." Some longings and regrets that may always live, but they don't have to rule me today.

I'm being vague. And that's on purpose.

The past weekend was beautiful. I love the sun. We took some of Hope's friends and saw HSM3. That's High School Musical 3 for those of you without kids under 10. :) Lee and Hope took off on Saturday morning for a community service project (ie badge-earner). Gave me some time to work off some of my new-found "freedom" in the form of a cleaning binge. You know the job is well-done when the perfectionist in your life is impressed.

We did a little pumpkin carving, some teriyaki eating (yum!), reality-tv catching up and slept in. Which in our world, means 7:30 am. Lee surprised me with pancakes in bed on Sunday...which save the moments I am sick, might be a first? Hmmm. :)

Hope wanted to hang back in her pajamas and watch a movie with her Daddy on Sunday, so I ventured to church on my lonesome. I was okay with it, truthfully. I felt the need for some emotional purging, so I headed to Puyallup Foursquare for service (vs. going to church at my little Enumclaw church). No reason, except that P4S's worship absolutely rocks. I knew I could enter in (and out) anonymously. Marc Wymore led worship - and he simply rocks. I've posted a video of a song he wrote via you tube, on the post above (or below?). "Break these Chains." Take a listen. He's awesome.

Anyhow..shed some tears, move and groove without a lot of questions - and was left alone.Which is why I went there. I wish Hope liked their kid's program...because I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the atmosphere at that church. The kid's program at our church in Enumclaw is smaller-scale, more hands-on bible learning and Hope loves it. And that, friends who have wondered and ask, is why I switched.


I'm rambling. A little therapy for me, I suppose.


And finally, after a doc appt this morning, it looks like surgery is in my future. Bleh. I don't feel like sharing on the blogwaves...just say, it shall be not a lot of fun. That's for certain. I'll know more next week.

Off to enjoy the remainder of this sunny day! :)

good things today

I'm having an emotional day. For so many reasons. Not all bad. Just emotional. But here are some good things - and I'm reminding myself right now.

1. I think the heart does go on.

2. Sunshine is the most beautiful medicine - today, albeit cold outside, is no exception.

3. Trader Joe's is hands-down my favorite grocery store. I'm enjoying some white bean and basil hummus today along with a little trail mix called "tempting." And it is.

4. I am growing. Through some pretty sharp growing pains. Recognizing some long-ago losses. Dealing with the delayed pain of the loss. Picking myself up, dusting off my heart and believing that I will be okay.

5. Jesus still loves me. Amazingly, but He does.

6. We are going to see High School Musical 3 tonight. yesss...... :)

Since I began this blog, hours have passed. A friend brought me the gift of a few chapters from a meaningful (and suprisingly appropriate) book she is reading. I enjoyed a very light lunchtime conversation with peeps I rarely see. And I just enjoyed a homemade banana muffin.

Things are looking up. :)

quote for the day

"The symptoms and the illness are not the same thing. The illness exists long before the symptoms. Rather than being the illness, the symptoms are the beginning of its cures. The fact that they are unwanted makes them all the more a phenomenon of grace - a gift of God, a message from the unconscious, if you will, to initiate self-examination and repair."

M. Scott Peck
The Road Less Traveled

a little boredom blogging...

I'm not really bored. Just blogging about some boring things. Or less than exciting. But here it is. :)

Hope and I made banana muffins tonight. They were VERY good.Very, very good.

Hope's cheesy grin. Holding her freshly baked muffins. Again, so yummy. :)

Facebook. I spend far too much time on this. Even in the middle of muffin baking.

My cup of freshly brewed tea. Pomegranite Green Tea. Mmmmmm. :)
We were also watching Hannah Montana while Facebooking and baking (and eating) banana muffins.
Hope picked up the camera this morning. Kind of a goofy pose on my part..but there you have it.

My Heart Will Go On - Celine Dion

poignant. :)

remembering a great man

Earl Cumpston, Jr.

10/11/38 - 9/11/08

I attended a memorial service for Earl Cumpston today. He was a big ol' teddy bear, in my book. I confess that it's been a few years since I saw him live and in person. But he is permanently imprinted on my heart. And Lee's. And what looked to be about 200 other folks in attendance today.

Earl's wife MariKay (MK) has been my email and prayer buddy for years. She calls me sleeves (don't ask) and makes a mean chicken stuffing casserole. She and Earl were part of a small group with Lee and I 11-ish years ago. They cared for us and loved us through some crazy days surrounding the death of Lee's mom. And now, she and I are facebook friends. We keep a lively conversation going through that crazy social network at least once a week. Usually on politics. Or Joe Biden's use of botox. Or the possibility of a translator for some of my lingo. :)

The most amazing thing about today was the obvious legacy Earl left. His two kids, his friends, his family, his wife, the cowboys he served....and me. The words spoken by their pastor confirmed what I know to be true: Earl loved people. And he loved them well. He had a heart to help - and he was flat-out lovable. When I say he was a teddy bear, I'm not kidding. I'm honored to have known such a man. And have pondered the question all day long: We're only given a short time on this planet. What are we doing with our lives? How am I touching others? And what kind of legacy am I leaving. Am I living like Earl? Can I live like that?

Good questions, eh?

Earl, you are remembered. You are loved. And you lived well. I'm wondering if what Pastor Scott said is true. Are you dancing? Because I'd like to see a little of that.

:)

Because You Loved Me - Celine Dion Live in Memphis

Love this song. Love Celine. :)

Thirty six facts....

1. What time is it?

9:35 pm. Bedtime, really. But I'm spending (wasting?) time on my friend. The computer

2. What is your sign and your birthday?

Leo. The Lion.

3. What type was your first car?

A baby blue rabbit. I think it was a 1974? Back then, it was kind of hip-ish. :)

4. Name four jobs you've had in your life?

Chicken Slinger at the KFC (indeed)
Customer Service Porfessional and la Pay-n-Save
Marketing Assistant at Engineering Firm
Marketing Assistant at Engineering Firm (true story, I did this twice)

5. If you could have any job, what would it be?

For real? I'd like to be a stay at home Mom. I'm not sure I'd love, love, love it. But the life of a working Mom is no cake-walk. If we're pretending, I'd enjoy life as a personal assistant. To say, my Matthew Maconaughey. Yes, he is mine. That boy, is beautiful.

6. What are you most afraid of? most things that crawl. or slither. or fly.

7. What is the last movie you saw in a theater?

Ummmm....Kung Fu Panda, I think. Free showing last month. Next show I will be seeing? High School Musical 3. Yes. :)

8. What are four movies you would watch over and over?

Up Close and Personal (Robert Redford; Michell Pfeiffer)
The Mirror Has Two Faces (alltime fave)
The Ya-Ya Sisterhood
The Wedding Planner (my matthew)

9. Place of birth? Heidelberg, Germany

10. How Many places have you lived? Too many to count.

11. What are four places you have been on vacation?
Lost Wages (Las Vegas)
Grand Canyon
Mazatlan, MX
Peoria, AZ

12. What are four places you would rather be right now?
A loaded questions right now. I will just say...some place sunny. And stress free. With poolside service.

13. What are the best places you have ever been?

Chicago.
Hawaii.
The ocean. Wa/Or.

14. What are four websites you visit daily?
facebook.com
cnn.com
msn.com
king5.com

15. What are four of your favorite foods?
Indian
Thai
Chocolate
Cake (sad, I know)

16. What's your favorite new food?

Hmm...herbal tea isn't really a food, but it's definitely my new thing. :)

17. Which do you prefer, ketchup or mustard?

Neither, truthfully. Mustard, if I have to pick.

18. Which do you prefer, hamburgers or hotdogs?

Depends on my mood. I like them both.

19. Do you eat the stems of broccoli?

Most of the time. Unless they are "monster stems."

20. Favorite Drink?

Iced americano with cream. Or just coffee with cream.

22. What's your natural hair color?

I don't do the hair foil/dye thing yet. But it's coming. For now, brown.

23. Ever been toilet paper rolling?

A bajillion years ago.

24. Ever love someone so much it made you cry?

Yes. Many, many moons ago.

25. Favorite CD?CD's? CDs? How about on my Ipod? Right now, I've been digging some Sting...and Celine Dion.

26. Favorite day of the week?

Friday. And all weekend days. :)

27. Favorite Restaurant?

Depends on my mood. I love the Thai Kitchen in Bellevue. YUM. :) I'm not much of a "fine diner" - but Lawry's Steakhouse (in Chicago) is my pick of the decade. Incredible. :)

28. Favorite Flower?

Tulips.

29. Favorite sport to watch?

Live and in person? Baseball. In person? Running. Biking. Gymnastics. The Olympics!!! :) I am not a football watcher. As much as I've tried, and as often as my husband has wished it so. I just can't get into it.

30. Disney or Warner Brothers?

Zero opinion.

31. Favorite fast food restaurant?

Taco Bell, I suppose.

32. What color is your bedroom carpet?

Track-house beige.

33. Before this email, from whom did you get your last e-mail?

The Mom of one of hope's friends

34. What do you do most often when you are bored?

Um, how about this? Or watch mindless tv. Like now.

35. Bedtime?

If I'm being disciplined, 9 pm. Undisciplined? 11 pm.

36. What four still-airing TV shows do you love to watch?

House
Biggest Loser
Lipstick Jungle
The Hills

:)

...the heart will go on...

Love can touch us once

and last for a lifetime

and never let go til we're gone.

Love was when I loved you

One true time, I hold you

In my life, we'll always go on.

That's sort of privately poignant for me right now. Ahhhh, the titanic song. I suppose I've never listened to it very clearly. I've been crooning to Celine all weekend on my iPod. Why?

Did I mention Celine Dion was on the weekend docket? Last night. And she was AMAZING. Seriously, amazing. A belated birthday gift from my dear friend, Shelly. I have to say that my entire Saturday just might be the best day I have had in a very long time. AND, the belated birthday evening - might just have been the best. ever. (no one be offended if you've done something lovely for my birthday. I'm talking ... the past five years-ish). Although, Shelly and I ventured to Portland in one day, just to see Barry Manilow last year as another belated birthday celebration. It was phenomenal as well.

Shelly's sister, Charlene, joined us for dinner at El Gaucho in Tacoma. Or TA-co-MA, as pronounced by Celine. I wonder if she wondered where in the heck she was - in the land of the dome and all things hilltop. ? :)

Anyhow...dinner was unbelievable. One of those places where the meal comes in courses. Charlene ordered something called a "berrytini" - after one taste of hers, I quickly ordered one as well. It was my first martini, ever. And it was gorgeous. Mmmmm!

After a wonderful dinner, we were seranaded by the piano in the lounge below - and a group of women belting out Celine tunes one after the other. It was so fun. Charlene grabbed the chef and had a few pics taken of us with him (because we loved the food -and the bananas foster so very much). Photos coming. :)

We made it up to our seats with a moment to spare. An impressionist named Gordy something performed for us. He was hillarious. And I think, he's from Vegas. Gordy Brown, I think. Celine came to the stage through the crowd. Shelly wasn't much for her dialogue, but I adore Ms. Dion, so I was happy to hear her share a little as well as croon.

An amazing show. After-show traffic? Ugly. But gave Shelly and I a chance to visit whilst ignoring the red lights, not-so-nice policemen and navigate through closed roads and unknown streets. ;)

Overall? I think that was my very best birthday ever. Seriously. :)


Crazy self-portrait while waiting for Charlene and Shelly a few blocks from the Dome. :) Not a great shot, but you get the picture. Have green tea, will travel. :) Photos: camera phone.

...back on the road again...

We did it. Very impromptu, but we did it. Lee mentioned hitting the trail last night. I gained concensus from Ginger and Liz, so off we went. Liz and I did the car drop at 6:30 this morning and managed to "get going" by about 7:20 am. Lee and Hope were behind us a bit, but managed to catch up. Quickly. And pass us. Whatever.

We had many laughs on that crazy trail. I think we were all glad to have gotten up BEFORE the birds (and the sun) and put 7.5 miles under our respective belts. Although, the older I get, the more I enjoy staying in bed. Oye.

Highlights of the morning include discussion of a potential girls' trip to Vegas (Oct. of 2009, ladies?), multiple notations on the complete lack of bathrooms on the Buckley/Orting trail, the discovery of many foot long worms that nearly sent my gag reflex into action, many sporty fisherman that Liz eyed carefully (and noted the presence or lack of a wedding band!), and some unbelievably large mushrooms (see photo). Worms and mushrooms on steroids? Only in the country. :) No photos of the worms. Seriously. Crawly things and myself don't mix.

We ended our exercise with a caffeine break at the Orting Starbucks. Ahhhh. Please forgive the not-so-great quality of the pics. My little Krzr phone/camera captures the action, but that's about it.

Hope catchs up to us on her bike - with Lee jogging up the rear. Have I mentioned that they are competitive? And quick. :)

Liz and Ginger. Discussing which one of them are going to take me out of the picture. My camera phone wasn't welcome this morning. I think Liz may have paid me back. I'm waiting to see what appears on her Facebook page.

Self-portrait. Me, Liz and Ginger. Blurriness reflects how we were feeling, moments after our walk began.Here they are passing us. Was surprised they hung at our pace for as long as they did. We had some laughs with them too. Mostly at Lee's expense.
Here's my guy. Ready for trail action. If I could jog as fast as he walks, life would be, well, much quicker!The reward of the morning's effort. My iced americano completely hit the spot.
Lee and Hope relax at Starbuck's.
Ginger and Liz. Wondering if they're going to have to help me put the camera down once and for all.
Hope was willing to pose with her mama. :) Good times and a good morning with our peeps! :) I'm preparing for my Celine Dion concert tonight (yay!)...and am listening to my husband's iPod right now. How many men do you know that have Mariah Carey, Whitesnake and Luther Vandross on their playlist? Just sayin'. :)

a concert can sure take you back...

We had some fun in September! Lee bought tickets (earlier in the summer) to go see Journey, Cheap Trick and Heart. We grabbed Ginger and Shane and enjoyed a pretty amazing concert. Cheap Trick was okay. Heart was amazing. Journey sounded good as well, considering they're on their 2nd singer since Steve left. The new guys SOUNDS just like him...but he LOOKS, um, completely different. :) Here are some shots from our evening, compliments of Ginger's iPhone.

An interesting week...

I've been absent from the blogwaves and felt the need to remind myself of some sunnier times. :) Or some sun, period. I don't know about you, but the weather in eastern Pierce County has been a little frigid. And cloudy.

It's been a very interesting week. I'm just going to jot down some highlights. And let you fill in the blanks.

The best way to overcome the past? Embrace it. Oh yes. It is. Facebook is my fantabulous frenemy. I have quite the splintered past - that seems to be crashing in on me via Facebook. So, I've embraced the blasted thing. I've accepted friend requests from peeps I haven't heard from in 20-plus years. Fences have been mended. Bridges have been built. Um, and some memory banks had the dust gently cleared away. My best friend from high school (jody, that's you!) and I have been emailing away over the past few weeks. Purple Rain and matching asymmetrical haircuts. That's all I'm sayin'. If I had a scanner, I would definitely post a photo. Oh yes, I have one. Buried under lock and key. But I have one.

The past makes us who we are. So why have I been so determined to separate it from my life today? I'm asking myself that question over and over. There's never a hurt that can't be healed. Or a change that can't be recognized. Just saying.

Political discussions. I don't fitany longer. I think I'm okay with that. Not long ago, Shelly and I were having an "over the cube wall" conversation about politics (ie Palin) and it hit me. Something has changed in me. I don't know when it happened. Or what spring has come loose, but I have moved from "black and white" to a slight bit of gray. And while I think Sarah did well in her debate, she's not who I'd pick for V.P. I just don't feel comfortable with her in the co-chair. Love that she's a Christian. Love that she's bold. Don't love that she's the pick. I wish I did. So does my husband. I think he'd campaign for her, if he could. If polygamy were legal, he might entertain that. She is cute, isn't she?

Menopause. Or peri-menopause. Whatever you have heard about it, I think the reality might be worse. And do you know that a history of breast cancer prohibits the taking of hormones? Or birth control pills? Or any estrogen-generating helpmate that can be found? I am serious as a heart attack. My Mom sent me a bottle of Mexican Yam Extract to help. Not sure what they will do for me yet. Reverse the process? That would be swell. I'm hoping it's not something served with marshmallows and brown sugar (sorry, Mom. a joke!).

Herbal tea is my new thing. At least lately it is. I bought a new flavor today. Pomegranite Green Tea. I like it. "Live from your heart, you will be most effective. " How can you not love a tea that gives encouragement AND tastes good? Seriously, I'm not really a tea-drinker, but have slowly become one. My evening routine winds down with a cup of something warm. It's good. Someone, somewhere must be so proud.

My new favorite blog. If you like to cook (or like to eat?) - check it out. It's http://www.goodthingscatered.blogspot.com/. I added it to my google reader recently and love it (and if you don't have a google reader account for your blog reading, you should!). I made "Big Mama's Chicken Pot Pie" from the site Despite the name, it was very good. Lee and Hope were not keen on the spice blend (from the roux). It called for Old Bay - which my friend Ann (who is a fabulous food writer) tells me contains cinnamon and ginger. She gave some other suggestions for a more pleasing taste for the fam. I actually dug it. And ate the leftovers. I just deleted the picture for the umpteenth time and am not pasting it back in. You can see it on the website. Darn blogger. :) I just might move to Wordpress.

That's it from here. The girls and I (and Lee) are contemplating our marathon training. It needs to begin. Soon. I've been detoxing and taking herbals and liquids and all matter of things that strengthen the immune system. And trying to kiss white sugar goodbye (easier said than done). Hope is busy with cheer class, Girl Scouts and Awana. Speaking of, I need to get moving. Awana is tonight!

:) k