...horrible, no-good, very bad day...

That's a the title of a children's book..."Alexander's horrible, no good, very bad day." I think that's the slug. And it's actually how I'm feeling.

I have literally not slept more than a few hours since starting the roid treatment. The dosage dropped by half yesterday and I thought sleep would be forthcoming. Not so. I had the shakes (and sweats - ick) and was truly hallucinating throughout the night. Hallucinating might be strong. Night terrors? Tripping out? It was awful. And I think I'm done.

I finally got up at 3 am. If I could have lifted the skin from my body as a way to pass the time, I think I may have. I know it's the steroids - but I simply couldn't get a grip. Images of bad Lifetime for Women movies were flashing through my head. "I've seen this before. If I curl up in a ball and rock myself in a corner, will I find some relief?" I was up when Lee left for work. The poor guy wasn't quite sure what to do with me. I really was climbing the walls.

I cleaned out two drawers (somewhere, Lee was saying, "More steroids for Kris, please," - or maybe he's upped my dose?), finished laundry, and baked dozens of cookies (for Hope's school Christmas party this afternoon). Some reprieve came around 6 am....and as 7 am approaches, I'm feeling a little better. Very tired, maybe how The Hulk (remember the big green guy?) must have felt after he'd ripped trees from limb to limb and returned to that mild-mannered fella' he was when not enraged (I don't remember his name, sorry).

I left a message with my doctor. I was on the edge of the ledge when I called, so some men with white coats may be coming to grab me later today. I'm hoping he'll reduce the dosage - and possibly supply me with something so I might sleep. After doing a little bit o' research (what did we do before the internet?)...it seems that high agitation, sleeplessness, sweats and hallucinations are pretty common with steroids. Most of the references were from cancer websites....for anyone who has cancer right now and is taking these little hummers, I will be praying for you in a new way. A necessary evil in pill form?

I'm not taking them again until I hear from the Dr. Which will hopefully be this morning. I'm also a little hesitant not to, b/c I believe they are the only thing keeping me steps away from a sinus infection. Something's gotta give. Lee's Dad is coming in just a few short days....I need my functionality back. Eegads. Thanks for praying as you think of it.

:) k