Christmas is my favorite holiday. Hands-down. Candy canes and Christmas lights may as well be my middle name.
Seriously.
December 2009 finds me wondering how Christmas can possibly be 3 days away and where my Christmas spirit is. Is it even possible to find my 'ho-ho-ho' with so few days left? I'm not sure.
Today was my last day at work for - wait for it, wait for it - 12 days. That's right. I'm not sure I've ever been in more need of a break. Or if a break was ever more deserved. Sounds slightly puffed up, I know - but I have worked really, really hard over the past few months. At a speed that I truthfully don't want to try to keep up with.
Back to Christmas and those 3 days. I haven't gotten Christmas cards out. I tossed something together this week that I'm absolutely not sending. It's not my best graphic work, that's for sure - but we also have not one decent photo in our catalog, so to speak. The camera phone is dandy, but it's become our "go to" for photos and a good family photo it does not take.
The truth of today is this: I've spent a good portion of it feeling weepy and well, crying. It's so stupid really. There's this 8-year-old girl living within me who experienced Christmas at its heights and depths. Once upon a time, I belonged to a family who was knitted to one another. Two sets of grandparents, two parents, two sisters, a gaggle of cousins and some of the best food around. We gathered for all the holidays. No questions asked.
I'm thankful for my husband's family who close to 18 years ago, took this raggamuffin in and made me one of their own. Christmas celebrations at Lee's mama's were something to behold. God, I miss her so much.
The death of our family matriarch (lee's mama) has left such a void over the years. The lack of Jesus in the family doesn't help. But we've limped through the years and I think are finally experiencing a small version of what Christmas used to be.
I don't know why this day has left me so sad. I started out by saying that December has been rough. But what I really think is this:
Life is shorter than we can imagine. It's too short for lies and grudges and wounds. It's not long enough for grandparents to not know their grandkids. The mom of twins in Hope's class passed away in her sleep a few weeks ago at age 37. Sometimes, we don't have tomorrow to make that thing right. Or change a way, send a card or remember a birthday.
Sometimes, we just have to celebrate what we have. Happiness takes courage. At least it does for me. And I'm determined to bring some joy into the most important holiday of the year.
The birth of Jesus.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
I tend to put on a few pounds during the winter months. Lack of exercise, abundance of holiday treats, and the illusion of control that exists in my mind.
This year, I entered October, determined that this wouldn't happen. I felt like things were going okay. True, exercise hasn't been happening much, but I've been watching what goes into la hatch and THINKING about exercising a lot. My brain hurts from the process, even.
Black Friday found me in Lane Bryant, looking for a dress. Those who know me well, know that shopping is one of my least favorite things. Especially for clothes. A holiday party was around the corner and jeans and my Uggs (okay, fake Uggs) weren't going to cut it. Hope was with me and we both laid eyes on the same dress, at the same time.
"Mom, that is SO cute. You should get it." So I did. My size wasn't on the rack, so the store ordered for me and had it delivered 3 days later. Just a few days before the party. I felt good about the purchase. My jeans were fitting. And like I said, I've been watching what goes into "la hatch."
You can probably already guess how this ends.
The dress arrived. It didn't fit. I was shocked. Granted, it wasn't a very forgiving material - but the reality is, it didn't fit.
To back up 20 steps, going to a "dress up" party is not my thing at all. In fact, it's the opposite of my thing. While I did purchase a ticket to this ladies night out at the Murano, it was to help a friend who really wanted to go. This kind of night, is truly her kind of night.
The ill-fitting (okay, non-fitting) dress sent me to a bad place. I went to Lane Bryant the next day. Numerous phone calls unearthed the fact that my dress wasn't available in larger sizes.
Super.
I pulled five dresses into the fitting room with me. Gross. Too small. Horrible. Too tight. Too low. A last ditch effort found me with a black number that didn't look awful. Lane Bryant thankfully exchanged it at the "black friday price" and off I went. Two sizes greater than I normally wear.
Two. Sizes.
The evening came and went. My friend, whom we all rallied around, came down with a horrific case of the flu and couldn't go. She asked that we all go without her. I wish I had listened to my gut and bagged it. Not so much because of the dress fiasco, but because the only reason I agreed to go, was for her. And she tends to be the glue in those types of situations. The night wasn't horrible and some laughs were had.
Me and the dress? Not pretty. I don't think I have ever felt so uncomfortable in all of my days. One of the girls managed to grab 3 photos of us that evening. To say I didn't want to pose for pics is the understatement of the year. But I did it. They are floating around on facebook right now and I am horrified. Refusing to tag myself.
So what am I going to do about it? Very privately continuing to try. Yesterday, I bonded with my treadmill. I won't lie. Eighteen minutes of jogging was all I could muster. I'm about to bond with it again momentarily. If you've read any of my blogposts, the question is likely looming for you too, "How long will she stick with it this time?"
I don't have the answer to that. But I am so sick of myself I could spit.
One of my dearests friends and most favorite people comes to World Vision every Monday. I'm never there, so I rarely see her. Except for last week. I was there. So was she. She's very tall - 6'1, I think. And has gained a lot of weight over the past few years. Two babies and life struggles can do that to a girl.
I was thrilled to see my girl and SHOCKED to see how thin she was. She did the growth hormone program. And to quote her: "It was the worst 40 days of hell I have ever seen." She's on the "resting" phase. And not sure if she'll pick it up again for the next 40 days stint. What's the trick? The ads say the growth hormone, but she said it's the 500 calorie/day diet. Even with the hormone, she was starving. Crying into the night because she was SO freaking hungry.
The bigger thing it showed her is how enmeshed she is with food - and how broken she was without it.
I'm not sure what all of this means. I know that I have an addictive non-hunger-driven habit of eating what I want and overeating. And a pension to lethargy. These things combined have brought me to larger than life proportions that will not go away without exercise and diet control.
I'm so over this - but that's nothing new. I'm tired of the multiple personalities I seem to exhibit when it comes to diet and exercise. I'm all in or all out. Nothing in between.
For now, only the blogwaves will know my journey and struggle. I'm so sick of talking about exercising - why I do, why I don't, why I eat, why I overeat. For now, I'm just focusing on today. Aiming to make one good choice after another.
Last night, after a very good day, I found myself taking shots of whipped cream before bed. Disgusting, I know. It crossed my mind not to, but I did it anyhow. And THAT is the habit that needs to be broken. Last night, whipped cream. Another night, 2,000 calories of something more disruptive.
Here's to focusing on today. And asking God for help.
This year, I entered October, determined that this wouldn't happen. I felt like things were going okay. True, exercise hasn't been happening much, but I've been watching what goes into la hatch and THINKING about exercising a lot. My brain hurts from the process, even.
Black Friday found me in Lane Bryant, looking for a dress. Those who know me well, know that shopping is one of my least favorite things. Especially for clothes. A holiday party was around the corner and jeans and my Uggs (okay, fake Uggs) weren't going to cut it. Hope was with me and we both laid eyes on the same dress, at the same time.
"Mom, that is SO cute. You should get it." So I did. My size wasn't on the rack, so the store ordered for me and had it delivered 3 days later. Just a few days before the party. I felt good about the purchase. My jeans were fitting. And like I said, I've been watching what goes into "la hatch."
You can probably already guess how this ends.
The dress arrived. It didn't fit. I was shocked. Granted, it wasn't a very forgiving material - but the reality is, it didn't fit.
To back up 20 steps, going to a "dress up" party is not my thing at all. In fact, it's the opposite of my thing. While I did purchase a ticket to this ladies night out at the Murano, it was to help a friend who really wanted to go. This kind of night, is truly her kind of night.
The ill-fitting (okay, non-fitting) dress sent me to a bad place. I went to Lane Bryant the next day. Numerous phone calls unearthed the fact that my dress wasn't available in larger sizes.
Super.
I pulled five dresses into the fitting room with me. Gross. Too small. Horrible. Too tight. Too low. A last ditch effort found me with a black number that didn't look awful. Lane Bryant thankfully exchanged it at the "black friday price" and off I went. Two sizes greater than I normally wear.
Two. Sizes.
The evening came and went. My friend, whom we all rallied around, came down with a horrific case of the flu and couldn't go. She asked that we all go without her. I wish I had listened to my gut and bagged it. Not so much because of the dress fiasco, but because the only reason I agreed to go, was for her. And she tends to be the glue in those types of situations. The night wasn't horrible and some laughs were had.
Me and the dress? Not pretty. I don't think I have ever felt so uncomfortable in all of my days. One of the girls managed to grab 3 photos of us that evening. To say I didn't want to pose for pics is the understatement of the year. But I did it. They are floating around on facebook right now and I am horrified. Refusing to tag myself.
So what am I going to do about it? Very privately continuing to try. Yesterday, I bonded with my treadmill. I won't lie. Eighteen minutes of jogging was all I could muster. I'm about to bond with it again momentarily. If you've read any of my blogposts, the question is likely looming for you too, "How long will she stick with it this time?"
I don't have the answer to that. But I am so sick of myself I could spit.
One of my dearests friends and most favorite people comes to World Vision every Monday. I'm never there, so I rarely see her. Except for last week. I was there. So was she. She's very tall - 6'1, I think. And has gained a lot of weight over the past few years. Two babies and life struggles can do that to a girl.
I was thrilled to see my girl and SHOCKED to see how thin she was. She did the growth hormone program. And to quote her: "It was the worst 40 days of hell I have ever seen." She's on the "resting" phase. And not sure if she'll pick it up again for the next 40 days stint. What's the trick? The ads say the growth hormone, but she said it's the 500 calorie/day diet. Even with the hormone, she was starving. Crying into the night because she was SO freaking hungry.
The bigger thing it showed her is how enmeshed she is with food - and how broken she was without it.
I'm not sure what all of this means. I know that I have an addictive non-hunger-driven habit of eating what I want and overeating. And a pension to lethargy. These things combined have brought me to larger than life proportions that will not go away without exercise and diet control.
I'm so over this - but that's nothing new. I'm tired of the multiple personalities I seem to exhibit when it comes to diet and exercise. I'm all in or all out. Nothing in between.
For now, only the blogwaves will know my journey and struggle. I'm so sick of talking about exercising - why I do, why I don't, why I eat, why I overeat. For now, I'm just focusing on today. Aiming to make one good choice after another.
Last night, after a very good day, I found myself taking shots of whipped cream before bed. Disgusting, I know. It crossed my mind not to, but I did it anyhow. And THAT is the habit that needs to be broken. Last night, whipped cream. Another night, 2,000 calories of something more disruptive.
Here's to focusing on today. And asking God for help.
Monday, December 7, 2009
thankfulness on a freezing monday
I really thought this list would be longer by now. Like most things, I "forget to remember." Beginning with #202...here are some gratitude nuggets for this FREEZING Monday morning.
202. the reason we celebrate Christmas (birth of Jesus)
203. stepping out of comfort zones.
204. a home to decorate
205. Christmas decorations
206. Christmas lights
207. driving home at night amid the glow of holiday lights
208. rollerskating
209. Martha Stewart
210. Christmas baking
211. doing new things
212. not taking things personally
213. being different
214. a 9-year-old's reasoning
215. a body that functions
216. a legacy left
217. striving to be better
218. frosty crisp branches on morning tree
219. hand-crocheted blankets
220. freshly cut hair
221. Uggs. at 6 am in the morning.
222. hot tea in new cups
223. knowing someone so well
224. power amidst a wind storm
225. the freshness of monday
I'd also like to ask for prayer for a family in my daughter's class. Twins - Nate and Zack. Their mama died in her sleep in Thursday. She was very young and supermom to all. It's been very sad - beyond sad. All the girls at Hope's cookie party on Saturday have been closely affected. Life is short. Live well.
Happy Monday. :)
202. the reason we celebrate Christmas (birth of Jesus)
203. stepping out of comfort zones.
204. a home to decorate
205. Christmas decorations
206. Christmas lights
207. driving home at night amid the glow of holiday lights
208. rollerskating
209. Martha Stewart
210. Christmas baking
211. doing new things
212. not taking things personally
213. being different
214. a 9-year-old's reasoning
215. a body that functions
216. a legacy left
217. striving to be better
218. frosty crisp branches on morning tree
219. hand-crocheted blankets
220. freshly cut hair
221. Uggs. at 6 am in the morning.
222. hot tea in new cups
223. knowing someone so well
224. power amidst a wind storm
225. the freshness of monday
I'd also like to ask for prayer for a family in my daughter's class. Twins - Nate and Zack. Their mama died in her sleep in Thursday. She was very young and supermom to all. It's been very sad - beyond sad. All the girls at Hope's cookie party on Saturday have been closely affected. Life is short. Live well.
Happy Monday. :)
Monday, November 23, 2009
joy finder
Being raised amongst "an unhappy people" makes for lots of things. Cyncism. A critical nature. Anger. Addiction. Looking for love in all the wrong places. Mistaking love for something that isn't. Seeking out happy people - because you aren't.
The reality is, happines is temperal. It doesn't last. I was happy (thrilled, even) when my friend/neighbor brought some freshly baked, piping hot pear bread to my door. While I was 'happy' to eat the bread, the memory of my friend's thoughtfulness and her relationship with me is what joy is made of. Joy lasts. Happiness is fleeting.
In the quest to be a joy-finder, comfortable boxes have to be stepped out of and the propensity toward finding satisfaction in a moment needs to be overcome. I want the kind of joy that lives and breathes on its own. That bubbles up, overflows and consumes everyone around me.
I'm still working on it. In the meantime, here's the monday morning edition of (and addition to) "1000 Gifts."
171. Christmas music - even before Thanksgiving.
171. a growing daughter - physically, emotionally and spiritually
172. God's love. it's huge.
173. stepping outside of the comfort zone.
174. husbands who grocery shop
175. electricity.
176. autum leaves.
177. vitamin d.
178. homemade stew
179. a husband that enjoys cooking.
180. lavender vanilla. in various forms.
181. piping hot coffee.
182. hysterical laughter
183. costco.
184. remembering birthdays
185. planning a holiday
186. recognizing joyful people
187. finding patience.
188. humility.
189. seeking joy instead of momentary satisfaction.
190. the feel of a new tablet without words.
191. holding fast to believes, albeit unpopular.
192. new responsibilities and a good attitude.
193. friendships that require work - but weather the years.
194. accepting the weaknesses of others.
195. recognizing strengths at the same time
196. knowing that no 'one person' will be perfect for us.
197. genuine kindness.
198. hope's Dsi
199. planning our 'black friday' tradition.
200. allowing joy to live and breathe. even when it hurts.
201. memories. like this one.
Happy Monday. Here's to finding joy as we journey.
Monday, November 9, 2009
November Monday Gratitude
Not sure if it's the weather or the season, but I find myself sorely in need of some gratitude. Meaning, the need to remind myself of what I have and the blessing of breath in my lungs.
151. the honor of praying for this family, whose little boy just went home to be with Jesus last night.
152. my own little girl, who lives and breathes, and challenges and loves out loud
153. cold weather
154. fleece pajamas and cozy socks
155. one stubborn husband
156. my sister-in-law, who left her life for a week to run ours
157. saying 'yes' when my selfishness wants to say 'no'
158. moms who said 'yes' to watching my kidlet when their selfishness wanted to say 'no'
159. a collection of old photos that capture days' passed
160. a week of meetings with some of public radio's smartest people around
161. "out of the box" experiences that make the story more interesting
162. green tea candles
163. pondering forgiveness.
164. pondering anger. and the need to forgive
165. dirty clothes that live everywhere but the hamper
166. unmade beds
167. a broken heart for a family i have never met
168. laughter in unexpected places.
169. the connection facebook provides
170. a full and gentle night's sleep
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
An easy blog
1. What is your favorite thing to snack on while your blogging? I don’t really snack while blogging. I am usually drinking coffee. Or tea. Depending on the hour of the blog.
2. What is one thing you wouldn't want to live without? My non-spiritual answer is: my CPAP machine. It’s made sleep possible in my life. My bible would be more impressive - just being honest.
3. Beach, Mountains, or Farm? Where would you live if you had a choice?Beach. Beach. Beach. Mountains if I had a cabin to drive to. Never a farm. Never. Never. Never.
4. What's your least favorite chore/household duty? Unloading the dishwasher with putting away folded laundry a close second.
5. Who do people say you remind them of? When I was thinner (back in the day) – the mermaid from splash. I can’t even remember her name. She dated Joe Jackson in the 80s. Hannah something?
6. Prefer parties and socializing or staying home with the fam? I like to socialize – but I lean toward the life of a loner. Depends what form the socializing comes in!
7. What's your all time favorite movie? Beaches.
8. Do you sleep in your make-up or remove it like a good little girl every night? Probably a hit/miss on this one. Depends. I know, I know.
9. Do you have a hidden talent or a deep desire to learn something that you've never had a chance to learn? What is it? Deep, hidden talent? I can wiggle my ears and nose. Something I want to learn? I’d love to speak another language fluently. I always say Spanish, because I took 4 years in college. But really, I’d love to speak French.
10. What's one strange thing you're really good at? Archery on the Wii.
11. What first attracted you to your spouse? He was very kind and cute.
12. What is something you love to smell? Vanilla/Lavender…downy. lotion. candle. And Light Blue by Dolce Gabanna. And the bamboo candles/spray from Pier 1.
13. Tell something about you that you know irritates people. I am chronically early and can be annoying about it. Meaning, annoying about needing to be early. Obsessively so. And it makes me NUTS when people are chronically late. NUTS.
14. When you have extra money, what's the first thing you think to do with it?
Pick up a little something for Hope, buy some super cool stationary or a tasty smelling candle.
15. Are you a silent laugher or a loud laugher? What makes you laugh the hardest?I wish I were more of a silent laughter. My laugh is loud at first –then moves to a silent shake, then wheeze. It’s not pretty y’all. What makes me laugh the hardest? Anyone who is truly funny, usually. My sister, Katie usually sends me to fits of laughter. And my friend Shannon is hands-down the funniest chick I know.
16. Where is your favorite place to shop? Nordstrom.
17. What's one thing you'd do more often if you had more time? Pick up scrapbooking again.
18. Are you a big spender or frugal? If I have the dough, I’m a bit of a spender with a sprinkle of frugality.
19. Who is your favorite character of all time? Nothing is popping to mind here. Mr. Darcy?
20. Would you want to be famous?Not really. It would be cool to be a published writer – but not so much famous.
Isn't your life better for having read this? Geez. :)
2. What is one thing you wouldn't want to live without? My non-spiritual answer is: my CPAP machine. It’s made sleep possible in my life. My bible would be more impressive - just being honest.
3. Beach, Mountains, or Farm? Where would you live if you had a choice?Beach. Beach. Beach. Mountains if I had a cabin to drive to. Never a farm. Never. Never. Never.
4. What's your least favorite chore/household duty? Unloading the dishwasher with putting away folded laundry a close second.
5. Who do people say you remind them of? When I was thinner (back in the day) – the mermaid from splash. I can’t even remember her name. She dated Joe Jackson in the 80s. Hannah something?
6. Prefer parties and socializing or staying home with the fam? I like to socialize – but I lean toward the life of a loner. Depends what form the socializing comes in!
7. What's your all time favorite movie? Beaches.
8. Do you sleep in your make-up or remove it like a good little girl every night? Probably a hit/miss on this one. Depends. I know, I know.
9. Do you have a hidden talent or a deep desire to learn something that you've never had a chance to learn? What is it? Deep, hidden talent? I can wiggle my ears and nose. Something I want to learn? I’d love to speak another language fluently. I always say Spanish, because I took 4 years in college. But really, I’d love to speak French.
10. What's one strange thing you're really good at? Archery on the Wii.
11. What first attracted you to your spouse? He was very kind and cute.
12. What is something you love to smell? Vanilla/Lavender…downy. lotion. candle. And Light Blue by Dolce Gabanna. And the bamboo candles/spray from Pier 1.
13. Tell something about you that you know irritates people. I am chronically early and can be annoying about it. Meaning, annoying about needing to be early. Obsessively so. And it makes me NUTS when people are chronically late. NUTS.
14. When you have extra money, what's the first thing you think to do with it?
Pick up a little something for Hope, buy some super cool stationary or a tasty smelling candle.
15. Are you a silent laugher or a loud laugher? What makes you laugh the hardest?I wish I were more of a silent laughter. My laugh is loud at first –then moves to a silent shake, then wheeze. It’s not pretty y’all. What makes me laugh the hardest? Anyone who is truly funny, usually. My sister, Katie usually sends me to fits of laughter. And my friend Shannon is hands-down the funniest chick I know.
16. Where is your favorite place to shop? Nordstrom.
17. What's one thing you'd do more often if you had more time? Pick up scrapbooking again.
18. Are you a big spender or frugal? If I have the dough, I’m a bit of a spender with a sprinkle of frugality.
19. Who is your favorite character of all time? Nothing is popping to mind here. Mr. Darcy?
20. Would you want to be famous?Not really. It would be cool to be a published writer – but not so much famous.
Isn't your life better for having read this? Geez. :)
Friday, October 30, 2009
Friday night doesn't often find me in the land of blogosphere. Not that Friday night is often filled with a lot of hooplah. Sidenote: I totally dated myself by using the term "hooplah."
It's been a long week, y'all. Right now, my hands smell like bleach, a heater is set on high with hopes of drying a freshly shampooed carpet and my carcass is kicking back in a cushy chair in the middle of my kitchen. Ladybug the cat is perched behind my hair, intent on chewing on it. Must be some bleach residue on the edges. Chlorine and bleach. She loves them both. Explains the hairball phenom, doesn't it?
Speaking of hairballs - our family has been cat puke free for exactly one week. Oh Petsmart, your name does describe you. Smart. About pets. :)
I seem to be losing my mojo for the effort of blogging. Or maybe it's the bleachy hands, getting to the brain cells. Time to continue my list of gratitude to help "shake the stink off" on this fantabulous Friday night.
132. my new "green tea" candle.
133. cleaning
134. furniture, freshly rearranged
135. continued employment during an economic sag
136. a husband who cooks dinner on a friday night (mine)
137. grieving the death of a friendship.
138. celebrating the presence of healthy friends
139. kickboxing
140. flicker low light
141. the thoughts of donald miller
142. realizing that not everyone is going to "get me" and having that be okay
143. falling asleep to the television
144. the feel of a good book
145. the gift of words on paper
145. the ability to express thoughts through writing
146. gusty winds
147. trickling rain
148. making benvolio videos
149. having laughing fits over my own videos
150. the ability to change the direction of my story
Happy Friday, y'all. Here's hoping the carpet is dry (or dry enough) in the next 45 minuots.
:)
It's been a long week, y'all. Right now, my hands smell like bleach, a heater is set on high with hopes of drying a freshly shampooed carpet and my carcass is kicking back in a cushy chair in the middle of my kitchen. Ladybug the cat is perched behind my hair, intent on chewing on it. Must be some bleach residue on the edges. Chlorine and bleach. She loves them both. Explains the hairball phenom, doesn't it?
Speaking of hairballs - our family has been cat puke free for exactly one week. Oh Petsmart, your name does describe you. Smart. About pets. :)
I seem to be losing my mojo for the effort of blogging. Or maybe it's the bleachy hands, getting to the brain cells. Time to continue my list of gratitude to help "shake the stink off" on this fantabulous Friday night.
132. my new "green tea" candle.
133. cleaning
134. furniture, freshly rearranged
135. continued employment during an economic sag
136. a husband who cooks dinner on a friday night (mine)
137. grieving the death of a friendship.
138. celebrating the presence of healthy friends
139. kickboxing
140. flicker low light
141. the thoughts of donald miller
142. realizing that not everyone is going to "get me" and having that be okay
143. falling asleep to the television
144. the feel of a good book
145. the gift of words on paper
145. the ability to express thoughts through writing
146. gusty winds
147. trickling rain
148. making benvolio videos
149. having laughing fits over my own videos
150. the ability to change the direction of my story
Happy Friday, y'all. Here's hoping the carpet is dry (or dry enough) in the next 45 minuots.
:)
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Nope. We haven't seen Billy Blanks. Anywhere.
Does anyone remember Billy Blanks and his tae-bo kickboxing videos? I've done a few of them in my day. Worked up a sweat. Called it good.See these red boxing gloves? We became aquainted tonight. And Billy Blanks? He was nowhere to be found.
Let me back up to share that I'm continually on a quest to find a Wednesday night workout. Hope is at Awana for two hours and I'm sick of hearing my fingers click on a keyboard at the library during that time. I've given water aerobics a try. It would be okay - if it weren't for all the water.
I located a drop-in kickboxing class just a few blocks from Awana. I coerced my friend Wendy into joining me. "It's kickboxing. You know, like Billy Blanks. Some aerobic moves, some punching and kicking the air. I think it will be good." I think I talked her into a half marathon with me in just about the same fashion.
We knew we were in trouble when the class started hauling in punching bags and hanging them from the ceiling. Followed by a classmate's question: "Did you guys bring boxing gloves?"
All we could do was laugh. Slide our hands into some pretty beat up (and unbelievable sweaty) class gloves. I had to turn off part of my brain to move forward - every germaphobic cell in my brain was firing off.
Ten minutes in, the acrobatic instructor sent us jogging around the mirrored room a few times. I knew I was toast.
Wendy and I made it about 40 minutes. Maybe 45. I can honestly say that I'm not sure I have EVER sweated so profusely. My sweat was sweating. No lie. And almost every part of my body felt like a squiggly mess.
Wendy and I howled when we got back in her car. Oh, to have video of the mess that we were. But you know what? We freaking did it. And you know what else? I'm going shock the shoes off of that instructor and go back next week. Hit the bag a little lighter. Kick a little slower. And jog when I can.
I'm also buying my own gloves. Having said that, I need to wash my hands again.
Freaking Billy Blanks. Yeesh. :)
Monday, October 19, 2009
Monday Gratitude
I awoke this morning with a start. It wasn't the sunshine peeking its head in that woke me, but instead, one puking cat. Oh yes. It was.
Poor Ladybug is getting old and very - "hairbally." She's a short-haired tabby, but you'd never know it after a hairball escapade. There's a telltale urping noise that this feline omits. A half-asleep stupor found me pushing said cat off of the bed before the damage was done. On the comfortor, anyhow.
Too much information for the weak of stomach, I'm sure. Since that's the perfect description of me, 2:36 am finds me at the computer. Man. Alive.
My "gratitude list" has fallen to the wayside. I am deeply ashamed. No big excuses. Life. Busy routine. Lack of blogginess in general. Lame excuses. I know this.
My Dad and sister stopped over on their way to California this weekend. They took a 22-hour train ride to Oakland, CA to visit my Aunt and a portion of "the cousins." My decision not to go came late in the planning game. It was difficult to say "no" for a gaggle of good and true reasons - scheduling, finances, work, babysitters. All true. And good. As the decline made its way into the universe, I believe I heard a large sigh of relief. Birds sang. Trees bloomed. Mice with ribbon began creating the dress for the ball. Seriously.
My sister, Katie is Dad's traveling companion on this adventure. We texted along the first 12 hours of the route. I loved seeing them, laughing and visiting with Katie and being silly at the train station made me question my decision. As the texts came, I felt slighty grieved that I wasn't able to find a way to go. Come day break, I shot her a four-word text: "How was the night?" She replied with one word: LONG.
Instead of the universe, it was me omitting the long sigh of relief. "LONG" in Katie's world translates into "a small piece of personal hell" in mine. There's not a doubt in my mind that 22 hours would have ended with neither my Dad or Katie speaking to me. It would be top any other family tale that speaks to my nerosis. "Four Days on the Rogue River with Kris" would be but a distant memory.
'Nuff said. Onto the list of gratitude, beginning with number 111.
111. My sister, Katie
112. Side-splitting, gag-inducing laughter.
113. Shared history - no matter how painful or ridiculous.
114. My Dad.
115. Listening to the still small voice that directs in difficult circumstances.
116. The continued adventure of growing up.
117. Trusting, even when it seems impossible.
118. Knowing that "it's not you" is really true.
119. Sharing Anne Lammott's writings with someone for the first time.
120. Hearing that someone loves the writings of Anne Lammott.
121. Understanding that not everyone is going to be my friend.
122. Being okay when someone "doesn't get me."
123. Changed perspective.
124. Friends that have history together.
125. Wanting to grow.
126. Not deleting someone from my facebook. Even though they deserve it.
127. Stopping myself from going to said person's facebook every day. Or ever again.
128. Praying for people who have hurt me.
129. Living outside wants and desires.
130. Cleaning up cat puke at 2:30 am from our aging cat.
131. Knowing that the weekend wasn't complete because one person was missing.
131. Both of my sisters.
Here's to a monday of gratitude. And aiming to lay my head back down at 3 am for a few more hours of rest. Be blessed. :) k
Poor Ladybug is getting old and very - "hairbally." She's a short-haired tabby, but you'd never know it after a hairball escapade. There's a telltale urping noise that this feline omits. A half-asleep stupor found me pushing said cat off of the bed before the damage was done. On the comfortor, anyhow.
Too much information for the weak of stomach, I'm sure. Since that's the perfect description of me, 2:36 am finds me at the computer. Man. Alive.
My "gratitude list" has fallen to the wayside. I am deeply ashamed. No big excuses. Life. Busy routine. Lack of blogginess in general. Lame excuses. I know this.
My Dad and sister stopped over on their way to California this weekend. They took a 22-hour train ride to Oakland, CA to visit my Aunt and a portion of "the cousins." My decision not to go came late in the planning game. It was difficult to say "no" for a gaggle of good and true reasons - scheduling, finances, work, babysitters. All true. And good. As the decline made its way into the universe, I believe I heard a large sigh of relief. Birds sang. Trees bloomed. Mice with ribbon began creating the dress for the ball. Seriously.
My sister, Katie is Dad's traveling companion on this adventure. We texted along the first 12 hours of the route. I loved seeing them, laughing and visiting with Katie and being silly at the train station made me question my decision. As the texts came, I felt slighty grieved that I wasn't able to find a way to go. Come day break, I shot her a four-word text: "How was the night?" She replied with one word: LONG.
Instead of the universe, it was me omitting the long sigh of relief. "LONG" in Katie's world translates into "a small piece of personal hell" in mine. There's not a doubt in my mind that 22 hours would have ended with neither my Dad or Katie speaking to me. It would be top any other family tale that speaks to my nerosis. "Four Days on the Rogue River with Kris" would be but a distant memory.
'Nuff said. Onto the list of gratitude, beginning with number 111.
111. My sister, Katie
112. Side-splitting, gag-inducing laughter.
113. Shared history - no matter how painful or ridiculous.
114. My Dad.
115. Listening to the still small voice that directs in difficult circumstances.
116. The continued adventure of growing up.
117. Trusting, even when it seems impossible.
118. Knowing that "it's not you" is really true.
119. Sharing Anne Lammott's writings with someone for the first time.
120. Hearing that someone loves the writings of Anne Lammott.
121. Understanding that not everyone is going to be my friend.
122. Being okay when someone "doesn't get me."
123. Changed perspective.
124. Friends that have history together.
125. Wanting to grow.
126. Not deleting someone from my facebook. Even though they deserve it.
127. Stopping myself from going to said person's facebook every day. Or ever again.
128. Praying for people who have hurt me.
129. Living outside wants and desires.
130. Cleaning up cat puke at 2:30 am from our aging cat.
131. Knowing that the weekend wasn't complete because one person was missing.
131. Both of my sisters.
Here's to a monday of gratitude. And aiming to lay my head back down at 3 am for a few more hours of rest. Be blessed. :) k
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
It's like this, Oprah...
Back in the day, I was a HUGE Whitney Houston fan. I'd forgotten about it, really. Actually, after "Being Bobby Brown" - I think I blocked it out. When I heard Oprah was kicking off her new season with a two-part Whitney interview, I knew I had to be there. Or my DVR did.
With the first night of the interview under my television-belt (and the 2nd still on the DVR), a portion of the interview has been tossing around in my brain. As Jillian was verbally pummeling a 476 contestant (biggest loser) last night, I was reminded of it again. Here's a rehash of what's going through my brain.
Oprah: You and Bobby, you smoked weed and did cocaine?
Whitney (salivating, crouching close to Oprah with anticipation): Okay, Oprah, go with me. (wipes drool from sides of mouth). We carefully rolled our joints. (demonstrating with her hands) Then we laced them with cocaine (pauses. reflecting). It was our high of choice.
Now, my once-beloved Whitney is an addict. And I haven't watched part 2 to see whether or not she still does drugs. She spoke of this cocaine-laced joint with such affection. Like she was sharing the best secret with Oprah. Who I'm pretty certain, isn't a doobie-roller.
Why is this all with me? It reminded me of something. Me. Food. The way Whitney described her high is the way I would describe something delectible to someone. A food that I adore. It's been playing in my mind. Why do I feel like this about food? Why is it such a struggle to break free?
Yesterday, we took my friend (and manager) Shelly, to Red Robin for lunch. I've been drinking protein drinks for a few of my meals and eating out in our lives right now is rare. I ordered my standard BBQ chicken salad. When it came, I had flashes of Whitney, rolling through my head.
Oprah: What's your favorite thing to order at Red Robin, Kris?
Kris: (pauses, salivating): Oh Oprah, go with me. It's the most delictable salad ever. Piled high with greens, a perfectly grilled chicken breast with just the right amount of sauce. A lightly seasoned spoonful of blackbeans with warm, slightly breaded onions on top. (sighs. eyes roll back in the head). The best ranch dip is served on the side, perfect for dipping the garlic-seasoned focaccia bread. Warm focaccia bread. Oh Oprah, it's my favorite high.
Last night, as I watched the 476 pound woman try to climb a stair machine over and over. Fall. Receive screaming/berating from Jillian and then ultimately walk out of the gym, these words reverberated (from Jillian): What you have going on in your head is a story. We're not going to play into it any longer. If you don't let me help you, if you don't listen to me, if you don't make a different choice than what you've been doing, you will die. So quit if you want to."
She came back. Now, I'm nowhere near 476 pounds. But I totally understand how someone could get there. Whitney, my bbq'd chicken salad and acidic Jillian were all ringing in my head last night. In the most disturbing way.
The way I abuse food and use food is my addiction. I think addictions come in different forms. Food abuse shows up on the body. Fat. Compulsive shopping shows up in nice things and unmanageable bills. Alcoholism. Obvious. Relationships/sex. Rotating relationships, looking for the high of the romance and bailing when it fails. Porn. On and on it goes. All of them will destroy a part of us. Or so mess with our heads that we don't know which way is up. We're just looking for the next hit of food, alcohol, love, sex. I'm done talking about this addiciton to food. Done. And now, I want to be over it. Healed from it.
For today, my thankful list is going to be small.
101. reality checks.
102. the power of a new choice
103. hope. the verb.
104. biggest loser
105. whitney houston's honesty
106. bbq chicken salad
107. jillian and bob
108. the word of God that changes lifes when we allow it to
109. helping a friend
110. honesty
With the first night of the interview under my television-belt (and the 2nd still on the DVR), a portion of the interview has been tossing around in my brain. As Jillian was verbally pummeling a 476 contestant (biggest loser) last night, I was reminded of it again. Here's a rehash of what's going through my brain.
Oprah: You and Bobby, you smoked weed and did cocaine?
Whitney (salivating, crouching close to Oprah with anticipation): Okay, Oprah, go with me. (wipes drool from sides of mouth). We carefully rolled our joints. (demonstrating with her hands) Then we laced them with cocaine (pauses. reflecting). It was our high of choice.
Now, my once-beloved Whitney is an addict. And I haven't watched part 2 to see whether or not she still does drugs. She spoke of this cocaine-laced joint with such affection. Like she was sharing the best secret with Oprah. Who I'm pretty certain, isn't a doobie-roller.
Why is this all with me? It reminded me of something. Me. Food. The way Whitney described her high is the way I would describe something delectible to someone. A food that I adore. It's been playing in my mind. Why do I feel like this about food? Why is it such a struggle to break free?
Yesterday, we took my friend (and manager) Shelly, to Red Robin for lunch. I've been drinking protein drinks for a few of my meals and eating out in our lives right now is rare. I ordered my standard BBQ chicken salad. When it came, I had flashes of Whitney, rolling through my head.
Oprah: What's your favorite thing to order at Red Robin, Kris?
Kris: (pauses, salivating): Oh Oprah, go with me. It's the most delictable salad ever. Piled high with greens, a perfectly grilled chicken breast with just the right amount of sauce. A lightly seasoned spoonful of blackbeans with warm, slightly breaded onions on top. (sighs. eyes roll back in the head). The best ranch dip is served on the side, perfect for dipping the garlic-seasoned focaccia bread. Warm focaccia bread. Oh Oprah, it's my favorite high.
Last night, as I watched the 476 pound woman try to climb a stair machine over and over. Fall. Receive screaming/berating from Jillian and then ultimately walk out of the gym, these words reverberated (from Jillian): What you have going on in your head is a story. We're not going to play into it any longer. If you don't let me help you, if you don't listen to me, if you don't make a different choice than what you've been doing, you will die. So quit if you want to."
She came back. Now, I'm nowhere near 476 pounds. But I totally understand how someone could get there. Whitney, my bbq'd chicken salad and acidic Jillian were all ringing in my head last night. In the most disturbing way.
The way I abuse food and use food is my addiction. I think addictions come in different forms. Food abuse shows up on the body. Fat. Compulsive shopping shows up in nice things and unmanageable bills. Alcoholism. Obvious. Relationships/sex. Rotating relationships, looking for the high of the romance and bailing when it fails. Porn. On and on it goes. All of them will destroy a part of us. Or so mess with our heads that we don't know which way is up. We're just looking for the next hit of food, alcohol, love, sex. I'm done talking about this addiciton to food. Done. And now, I want to be over it. Healed from it.
For today, my thankful list is going to be small.
101. reality checks.
102. the power of a new choice
103. hope. the verb.
104. biggest loser
105. whitney houston's honesty
106. bbq chicken salad
107. jillian and bob
108. the word of God that changes lifes when we allow it to
109. helping a friend
110. honesty
I. am. done.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
what day is it?
This could possibly be the longest week I've had in a while. I'm going to go easy on myself, considering it's the first week of school. There's a little bit of grief rolling around our home as well. Mine is over the lack of sun. If I'd only known it was disappearing permanent-style, I might have loved it more while still here.
My 9-year-old is also grieving. Her school closed due to Washington state budget cuts. Hope attended a parent-opt-in school that we loved. Apparently she REALLY loved it. Last night's grief-stricken breakdown was evidence of that. I feel so badly for her - and am letting her have her tears and heartache. Hopefully, they make their way out the door and one of these upcoming school days will be filled with glee. Her teacher is a little more hardcore than she's used to and finding her footing will likely take a while.
My 9-year-old is also grieving. Her school closed due to Washington state budget cuts. Hope attended a parent-opt-in school that we loved. Apparently she REALLY loved it. Last night's grief-stricken breakdown was evidence of that. I feel so badly for her - and am letting her have her tears and heartache. Hopefully, they make their way out the door and one of these upcoming school days will be filled with glee. Her teacher is a little more hardcore than she's used to and finding her footing will likely take a while.On that note, what better day to continue my thankful list? I missed Monday b/c of an overnight to eastern Washington. So here. we. go!
101. Beth Moore. Still one of my favorite bible teacher of all time.
102. Beth Moore "live."
103. Drive-through coffee stands.
104. Eastern Washington.
105. The drive to my sister-in-law's cabin, just 4 houses up from the cabin Lee and I spent so many weekends in with his mama.
106. Learning to make new memories in old, well-loved places.
107. Change that etches away and familiar routine.
108. 9-year-old tears.
109. Fish sandwiches made at home.
110. Glee. My new favorite show of the fall season.
111. Hiking to the bat caves with my sisters in law and daughter.
112. Watching Hope navigate the relationships with her two aunties (whom she loves much).
113. My amazingly, wonderfully flexible job.
114. My uberly-clean husband.
115. A fresh Word from God.
116. Thunder.
117. The prospect of a fresh cup of coffee with cream.
118. My threadbare Old Navy sweats.
119. Fridays off.
120. Drinking coffee by the river.
121. Humility. And oportunities to be humble.
125. Having my mind made up and having it changed by the hope in a voice.
126. Embracing Hope's new school.
Here's to a new day. Thursday is still shiny and unwrapped. Praying for Jesus' favor and that He goes before us today. To quote beth - don't let anything take a "bite out of your delight!"
Monday, August 24, 2009
some groggy monday gratitude
This weekend passed by in a blur - but in the best possible way. My sister-in-law is in town and we ended up spending a good portion of the weekend with her. Hope and I on Friday and Lee, Hope and I on Saturday. We capped Saturday off with them along with some friends of theirs who are becoming friends of ours. It was a wonderfully delightful time. On that note, a few more for One Thousand Gifts.
81. Being misunderstood.
82. Whole grain apple-cinnamon english muffins.
83. Comments on my blog. yay!
84. Burt's Bees
85. http://www.zappos.com/ and fabulous customer service.
86. Lemongrass chicken (indochine). Amazing and delectable.
87. Weekends with family and friends.
88. The beauty, delicacy and difficulty of family.
89. Baking good gifts for others.
90. Blue Moon.
91. The pace of Monday morning.
92. Listening to my daughter laugh and converse with her friends.
93. Drinking coffee and checking email from the oversized chair in the living room.
94. Creating good things from recipes.
95. Watching Ladybug try to navigate her way into the oversized chair with sunbeams.
96. My handy husband and the new window he installed.
97. Flexible work schedules that allow me to have a life. Or feel like more of a Mom.
98. Contemplating Labor Day plans.
99. Clean baseboards.
100. Moms who are able to stay home with their kiddos and actually forget what day of the week it is (um, this isn't me).
One-hundred! Funny, seems like I am much further along. Yet here are 100. Grateful for every. single. one. Carrying my journal with me this week. Happy Monday!
k
Thursday, August 20, 2009
still clicking along with 1000 gifts...
I just had two beautiful opening paragraphs typed - and they disappeared. Totally adding this to my thankful list. :)
I am really jazzed about this list. My friend, Denise, is making a list as well. She shared her "thankful" journal with me at work yesterday. I think carrying the journal with her is such a smart idea, that I'm copying her. There was more than one point yesterday where I thought, "there's something for the list." When pen finally met paper last night, all of those "thankful thoughts" were gone. Old age. Or just me. :) ha!
Picking up at numbre 58...
58. Pink and yellow sunrise as I work from my desk.
59. Dee-dee and ice runs.
60. Feeling truly focused.
61. Shelly. For so many, many reasons.
62. Ice cold water that pours magically from my refrigerator.
63. Dinner, waiting for me when I get home late from work.
64. Caller ID. Yeah, I said it.
65. Humid weather.
66. Thinking of things to be thankful for.
67. Birthdays that go on for days and days.
68. Monk.
69. DVR. yes. :)
70. World News at 4 am. Seriously.
71. www.google.com/reader
72. All the blogs I subscribe to in #71.
73. Good (and Godly) managers.
74. Friendships that drift or end. The process of letting them go.
75. Healing. Emotionally. Physically.
76. My Daddy.
77. The way God made me. Bumps, warts and all.
78. Seeing my husband before he leaves for work...at 4 am.
79. Facebook.
80. Yoga stretches for my lower back.
81. Fridays. The preamble to weekends.
82. This
83. Another day with breath in my lungs.
84. Being misunderstood.
85. Learning to be cautious in friendship.
I have to admit...I'm a little surprised I'm not at 100 yet. Howevah, a day with my journal in hand might change this.
Happy Thursday. The preamble to Friday. And Fridays are ALWAYS a beautiful thing!
I am really jazzed about this list. My friend, Denise, is making a list as well. She shared her "thankful" journal with me at work yesterday. I think carrying the journal with her is such a smart idea, that I'm copying her. There was more than one point yesterday where I thought, "there's something for the list." When pen finally met paper last night, all of those "thankful thoughts" were gone. Old age. Or just me. :) ha!
Picking up at numbre 58...
58. Pink and yellow sunrise as I work from my desk.
59. Dee-dee and ice runs.
60. Feeling truly focused.
61. Shelly. For so many, many reasons.
62. Ice cold water that pours magically from my refrigerator.
63. Dinner, waiting for me when I get home late from work.
64. Caller ID. Yeah, I said it.
65. Humid weather.
66. Thinking of things to be thankful for.
67. Birthdays that go on for days and days.
68. Monk.
69. DVR. yes. :)
70. World News at 4 am. Seriously.
71. www.google.com/reader
72. All the blogs I subscribe to in #71.
73. Good (and Godly) managers.
74. Friendships that drift or end. The process of letting them go.
75. Healing. Emotionally. Physically.
76. My Daddy.
77. The way God made me. Bumps, warts and all.
78. Seeing my husband before he leaves for work...at 4 am.
79. Facebook.
80. Yoga stretches for my lower back.
81. Fridays. The preamble to weekends.
82. This
83. Another day with breath in my lungs.
84. Being misunderstood.
85. Learning to be cautious in friendship.
I have to admit...I'm a little surprised I'm not at 100 yet. Howevah, a day with my journal in hand might change this.
Happy Thursday. The preamble to Friday. And Fridays are ALWAYS a beautiful thing!
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Sometimes it's hard to be thankful...
or purposefully thinking of things to be thankful for. I'm convinced there's always something - even in the face of the most mundane or tumultuously difficult. I've been both places over the past few days. And so I pick up with #16.
16. Liz and her gifts of delictable treats (peach cobbler and homemade whip, most recently)
17. Ladybug (our cat), who lately seems to love me.
18. Strong coffee with a splash of cream - the way it smells and feels in my cup.
19. Danielle and her amazing heart.
20. My daughter's strong-will.
21. God's unexplainable unwarranted love for me.
22. Nancy Jo McFeron. The wisdom of Jesus with skin on. That's what she is.
23. Julie & Julia. TOTALLY worth seeing.
24. The pain of leaving my church home 3.5 years ago.
25. Blank greeting cards with inspiring art.
26. Ballpoint pens. Not the gel pens. Ballpoint. Please and thank you.
27. Pastor Roger Archer
28. Hope's growing pains - and growing through them myself.
29. The sound of our cat snoring.
30. Watering the lawn into dusk hours.
31. Hope's sleepy face.
32. Shannon Cline. Funniest woman I know with the grandest, biggest, most joyful heart.
33. Jesus.
34. My husband. His stubborn streak. His heart. All 18 years of him.
35. Rain that greens the lawn.
36. Hot summer sun.
37. Floating in our pool. Any pool.
38. The smell of Arizona.
39. My home. It is enough. ;0)
40. My job.
41. My car. And it's air conditioning.
42. Health care.
43. My health.
44. Watching the sun come up.
45. RV Camping.
46. Feeling safe.
47. Hope's belly laugh.
48. Lemongrass.
49. Silence.
50. Amazing writing that moves me.
51. Excellent grammar.
54. Grandma Wilson's homemade chocolate sauce.
55. My sisters. Both of 'em.
56. Laughing at Madascar 2 with Hope.
57. Knowing it's time for bed but putting tomorrow's early rise in my "forget about it" place.
Impressive? Fifty-seven out of 1,000 things of great gratitude. ;D Have you started your list?
16. Liz and her gifts of delictable treats (peach cobbler and homemade whip, most recently)
17. Ladybug (our cat), who lately seems to love me.
18. Strong coffee with a splash of cream - the way it smells and feels in my cup.
19. Danielle and her amazing heart.
20. My daughter's strong-will.
21. God's unexplainable unwarranted love for me.
22. Nancy Jo McFeron. The wisdom of Jesus with skin on. That's what she is.
23. Julie & Julia. TOTALLY worth seeing.
24. The pain of leaving my church home 3.5 years ago.
25. Blank greeting cards with inspiring art.
26. Ballpoint pens. Not the gel pens. Ballpoint. Please and thank you.
27. Pastor Roger Archer
28. Hope's growing pains - and growing through them myself.
29. The sound of our cat snoring.
30. Watering the lawn into dusk hours.
31. Hope's sleepy face.
32. Shannon Cline. Funniest woman I know with the grandest, biggest, most joyful heart.
33. Jesus.
34. My husband. His stubborn streak. His heart. All 18 years of him.
35. Rain that greens the lawn.
36. Hot summer sun.
37. Floating in our pool. Any pool.
38. The smell of Arizona.
39. My home. It is enough. ;0)
40. My job.
41. My car. And it's air conditioning.
42. Health care.
43. My health.
44. Watching the sun come up.
45. RV Camping.
46. Feeling safe.
47. Hope's belly laugh.
48. Lemongrass.
49. Silence.
50. Amazing writing that moves me.
51. Excellent grammar.
54. Grandma Wilson's homemade chocolate sauce.
55. My sisters. Both of 'em.
56. Laughing at Madascar 2 with Hope.
57. Knowing it's time for bed but putting tomorrow's early rise in my "forget about it" place.
Impressive? Fifty-seven out of 1,000 things of great gratitude. ;D Have you started your list?
Monday, August 17, 2009
One Thousand Gifts
I've added a few blogs to my google.com/reader over the past few weeks. One of them is A Holy Experience. It's not my typical "blog read" - but the result has left me thoughtful and pondering and sometimes, downright uncomfortable. The One Thousand Gifts blog I read moments ago fits into the "uncomfortable" category. I was intrigued. Possibly prompted to make my own list.
After reading the "directions" more than once, I decided I could use some life change. A little "joy plunged into my chest cavity" that results in the inability to stop counting up God's grace in one's life. At this point, I seriouly can't even imagine.
I don't know if I'll post the continuation of my list on Mondays only - but for now, here's the beginning of my "One Thousand Gifts" list.
1. "A Holy Experience" Blog
2. Waking up at 3:45 am and feeling ready to start the day.
3. The beginning of a tooth ache and the realization that it can be fixed. Eventually.
4. Playing foursquare last night with my daughter.
5. The fan blowing in the cool night air.
6. The new beginning of a Monday
7. The peaceful flow of a Sunday
8. Advil
9. Baskin & Robbins' chocolate and peanut butter ice cream.
10. The potential of this list.
11. The quiet of my house at 5:10 am.
12. Having survived the turning of another birthday.
13. My Mom, who without fail, remembers my birthday.
14. Hope. The noun. The verb. My daughter.
15. Friendships that are true and constant.
There's my 15 for the day - workingtoward 1,000. Perched on the desk, is a "1000 Things" journal - which is really so unlike me. It's possible that ways that are "so like me" aren't always good or healthy or relationship sustaining. Here's to change. A Thousand Things. Stumbling across a blog that has shaken something loose and is currently bumping around inside. Hope floats, so I hear. One can only hope.
Start your own list. I dare you.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
photo credit: hope
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Advil? Check. Rock and Roll Marathon? check, check.
we came. we went. we conquered. and now, we hurt. 13.1 miles? check. check.
25,000 people. booyah.
25,000 people. booyah.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
it's a day made for dad
I tend to think most holidays (minus Easter and Christmas) are generated by the marketing cog known as Hallmark. Or Dayspring. This theory was proven on Father's Day 2009 as Hope and I shopped for cards. She kept circling back to one of those talking cards. Except this one allowed her to record her own personal message for her Daddy.
Cost? $6.99. Lee's reaction to the card? Pricless. Seriously? He loved it. For the first time in my life, I was relieved to have shelled out an insane price for paper and audio.
I called my own Dad this afternoon. He was sitting down to a roast dinner with my step-mom and her son. In keeping with my aversion to marketing cogs, I refused to partake and my Dad awoke to Father's Day cardless. And without a present.
In reality, I'm a horrible celebrator of holidays of any kind. Unless they involve my daughter. Or my husband. And even then, I'm never as planned out as I like.
On the way home from picking up my husband's favorite dinner, I caught a bit of Tavis Smiley. I'm not a frequenter of NPR, but tonight, I was. He was interviewing a 90-ish year old man that he kept referring to as "the greatest preacher on the planet." His first name was Gardner and as I type this, I remember that I meant to look up his full name on the internet.
The thing that struck me the most, was his daughter's portion of the interview. Tavis kept asking her question about the depth of her Dad's sermons. What stuck with her the most? On and on it went.
She finally just said, "You know Tavis, he was just my Daddy. I didn't understand his significance to the world until I was much, much older. Even still, I'm not sure I understand fully."
When I called my Dad, I thanked him for being my Dad. I don't think I've ever told him that. And I could tell by his reaction (a good one) that it meant something to him.
My Dad isn't grand. Or smart. He provided for his family the best he knew how. There are many things I've been embarrased about over the years. His lack of education. The scrapes he's gotten himself into - even well into his sixties. They aren't always things to be proud of. In fact, I don't know that he's proud of them.
One thing that has been constant about my Dad is who he is. He's there. He's never waivered. Never left. He sought me out when I was lost. He took me in when things were messy. And he raised me when I landed on his new family's doorstep in the most tumultuous of teen years.
I love my Dad. The smallness of him. The greatness of him. The significance of who he is.
My Dad is solid. And although we aren't close, I'm not sure how I'll manage when he's not drawing breath on this earth.
Cost? $6.99. Lee's reaction to the card? Pricless. Seriously? He loved it. For the first time in my life, I was relieved to have shelled out an insane price for paper and audio.
I called my own Dad this afternoon. He was sitting down to a roast dinner with my step-mom and her son. In keeping with my aversion to marketing cogs, I refused to partake and my Dad awoke to Father's Day cardless. And without a present.
In reality, I'm a horrible celebrator of holidays of any kind. Unless they involve my daughter. Or my husband. And even then, I'm never as planned out as I like.
On the way home from picking up my husband's favorite dinner, I caught a bit of Tavis Smiley. I'm not a frequenter of NPR, but tonight, I was. He was interviewing a 90-ish year old man that he kept referring to as "the greatest preacher on the planet." His first name was Gardner and as I type this, I remember that I meant to look up his full name on the internet.
The thing that struck me the most, was his daughter's portion of the interview. Tavis kept asking her question about the depth of her Dad's sermons. What stuck with her the most? On and on it went.
She finally just said, "You know Tavis, he was just my Daddy. I didn't understand his significance to the world until I was much, much older. Even still, I'm not sure I understand fully."
When I called my Dad, I thanked him for being my Dad. I don't think I've ever told him that. And I could tell by his reaction (a good one) that it meant something to him.
My Dad isn't grand. Or smart. He provided for his family the best he knew how. There are many things I've been embarrased about over the years. His lack of education. The scrapes he's gotten himself into - even well into his sixties. They aren't always things to be proud of. In fact, I don't know that he's proud of them.
One thing that has been constant about my Dad is who he is. He's there. He's never waivered. Never left. He sought me out when I was lost. He took me in when things were messy. And he raised me when I landed on his new family's doorstep in the most tumultuous of teen years.
I love my Dad. The smallness of him. The greatness of him. The significance of who he is.
My Dad is solid. And although we aren't close, I'm not sure how I'll manage when he's not drawing breath on this earth.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Sunday, May 31, 2009
one day in may...
It's been an age since the urge to blog has hit me. Not sure it's with me now, but here I am. Nice pic, eh? A self-portrait taken this weekend during a 10-mile training jaunt.This weekend gave the gift of amazing weather. I'm still holding it tightly. Seeing the sun and blue sky completely motivates me. And by motivates, I mean, gives super powers. :)
The Rock and Roll Marathon is just a month away. A little troupe has gathered together and are attempting to train for this thing (the half). This weekend's 12-miler turned into 10 for the whole of us. We ventured out to Pt. Defiance Park's 5-mile-route. It's now my new favorite place to train. The hills are a little crazy. I won't lie (hence the 12 turning to 10). To say it was a great workout, doesn't do it justice. It was amazing.
One of the vantage points along the route. I tend to be cruising alone. Slower than the rest. But still made great time. Kept waiting for the downhill portion of the route. Note: there weren't many. The Ipod was never even fired up. The atomsphere had me completely engaged.
One of our walking peeps, taking a little break as we took a gander at the Narrows Bridge.
Overall, an amazing weekend made even brighter by seeing my dear friend Nancy - whom I haven't seen in years (but speak to and facebook with regularly)! She's doing the marathon too and did 12 miles at Pt Defiance with her friend, Anita. I also laid eyes on my sweet friend Shannon, her hubby and her adorable girls! An unexpecuted but fabulous surprise on Saturday afternoon! :)
I don't know why I'm sharing - but my hands also stained a deck and a fence (see below) on Friday evening- after a yoga class. The combination left me a little achey as the group headed out for the mileage. Sunday morning found me feeling...pretty good.
That's really it. Our family is really looking forward to the summer months - for so many reasons. A small break from the pace we keep. Conquering the half-marathon. A visit from my sister. Picking some berries. A visit or two to the waterpark. Fourth of July in Yakima. A visit to Arizona (we hope). And a camping trip to southern Oregon and a day trip down the Rogue River. Strangely, I can't wait for Hope to experience rafting on the Rogue. I think she'll love it!
Embracing June...an the sun! And ZUMBA! My new favorite workout (thanks, Danielle!). :)
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
can a messy purse be cleaned up for good?
The last few weeks have been painful. And by painful, I mean they've nearly sent me to the looney bin.
This morning, the start of weepy day number two was on its way. A little bit of emotional processing can take a girl out. I was listening to a sermon from the beginning of the year. Something about overcoming the pain of one's past. The words from the car's CD player felt like they were poking me. I wanted to hear them - because part of me is still looking for the answer. A way out. A way to be free.
The other part of me simply doesn't believe it's possible.
After two days of weepiness and protein bars, I was prime for a fix of "my drug of choice." Food.
As I waded through my purse of the moment, looking for quarters in the bottom of "the bag that never ends" - I was struck by the massive amount of garbage in this oversized black abyss I call my purse. It was a mess. And then it struck me.
I'm just like this messy purse. And by messy, I mean "God-awful-horrific mass of everything you can imagine." The mess irrirates me when I need to find something. I don't like the mess. I wish it were more organized. I might even clean it out now and again.
But the mess always ends up back with me. Burgeoning. Bellowing. If this purse could burp, I think it would. Actually, this purse would belch. It's really disgusting.
Yet, I still lug it around with me.
Somewhere back in the far reaches of my life, lies the start of the mess. In the case of the purse, it may have began innocently enough. A gum wrapper tossed in, meant to throw out later. Change that missed the pocket. Powder without a lid, wrapping itself in a film around everything else. Open lipstick containers. Empty perscription bottles. A January 2008 receipt for thai food (no joke).
I just read the confession is good for the soul, so here it is. I rarely take this "traveling can" anywhere with me. I am motified that anyone see the state of this purse. Sometimes, I feel the same way about my car.
My life isn't much different. It began innocently enough. A little neglect. Hurt feelings. A bit of abuse. My owner not taking the time to take care of me - organizing my pockets. Keeping my insides cleaned up. Give me a good dusting now and again. Filling me with things that are good for me instead of the trash they didn't want.
Eventually (with this kind of care), we become like my jacked-up purse. We learn to live life as a messy purse and its strung-out contents. Compensation makes life manageable, albeit ridiculous.
I don't want to live with my messy heart any longer. That's a true story. I also don't want to live with the messy purse- however, it still sits in my car. I threw a few receipts out. But I didn't do the overhaul.
I want to be free. I want to be a woman with a clean purse. A tidied up heart. The pain from my yesterdays need not form my tomorrows.
The kicker? Beyond asking Jesus to help me out, I'm not sure how to walk this.
Is it possible?
This morning, the start of weepy day number two was on its way. A little bit of emotional processing can take a girl out. I was listening to a sermon from the beginning of the year. Something about overcoming the pain of one's past. The words from the car's CD player felt like they were poking me. I wanted to hear them - because part of me is still looking for the answer. A way out. A way to be free.
The other part of me simply doesn't believe it's possible.
After two days of weepiness and protein bars, I was prime for a fix of "my drug of choice." Food.
As I waded through my purse of the moment, looking for quarters in the bottom of "the bag that never ends" - I was struck by the massive amount of garbage in this oversized black abyss I call my purse. It was a mess. And then it struck me.
I'm just like this messy purse. And by messy, I mean "God-awful-horrific mass of everything you can imagine." The mess irrirates me when I need to find something. I don't like the mess. I wish it were more organized. I might even clean it out now and again.
But the mess always ends up back with me. Burgeoning. Bellowing. If this purse could burp, I think it would. Actually, this purse would belch. It's really disgusting.
Yet, I still lug it around with me.
Somewhere back in the far reaches of my life, lies the start of the mess. In the case of the purse, it may have began innocently enough. A gum wrapper tossed in, meant to throw out later. Change that missed the pocket. Powder without a lid, wrapping itself in a film around everything else. Open lipstick containers. Empty perscription bottles. A January 2008 receipt for thai food (no joke).
I just read the confession is good for the soul, so here it is. I rarely take this "traveling can" anywhere with me. I am motified that anyone see the state of this purse. Sometimes, I feel the same way about my car.
My life isn't much different. It began innocently enough. A little neglect. Hurt feelings. A bit of abuse. My owner not taking the time to take care of me - organizing my pockets. Keeping my insides cleaned up. Give me a good dusting now and again. Filling me with things that are good for me instead of the trash they didn't want.
Eventually (with this kind of care), we become like my jacked-up purse. We learn to live life as a messy purse and its strung-out contents. Compensation makes life manageable, albeit ridiculous.
I don't want to live with my messy heart any longer. That's a true story. I also don't want to live with the messy purse- however, it still sits in my car. I threw a few receipts out. But I didn't do the overhaul.
I want to be free. I want to be a woman with a clean purse. A tidied up heart. The pain from my yesterdays need not form my tomorrows.
The kicker? Beyond asking Jesus to help me out, I'm not sure how to walk this.
Is it possible?
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Friday, April 10, 2009
Maybe I am flexible...
A few weeks ago, yoga and I crossed paths for the first time. Looking for a way to stretch and become stronger, it seemed like a good option. Except for the visual I had of me as a permanent pretzel. Flexibility has never been a strong presence in my life. Physically or otherwise.
The first class was free. After a week of emails between the teacher and myself (and the promise of the first class being free), I went. With much trepidation. Truly. And a lot of prayer. While I was after the stretch and the strength, the dive into eastern mysticism wasn't part of the agenda.
The class lived up to its name: Gentle Yoga was indeed gentler than expected. And also much more difficult than I'd imagined. No unyielding pretzel poses. Nothing I wasn't able to get out of once I got into them. Sweat was part of the experience, which was a welcome surprise.
Upon leaving the class, I felt pleasantly flushed, very "worked out" and very "in touch" with the ground. A nice nap would have been the perfect touch. Ahhhhh.
The next morning, I could barely move. Yeowch.
The second gentle yoga class happened today. The class was different. Harder, I think. We struck a warrior pose. Then a warrior II pose. As sweat dripped from my brow, I tilted my ankles in, held my poses, relaxed my shoulders, tilted my pelvic core and engaged my muscles. My head hurt a little from thinking of so much at once. I have to say, as Jean (our yoga instructor) made her rounds through the class, she only readjusted my pose once. I felt like the smart kid in the class. Silly, I know.
And then, as we utilized straps, and toe tilts and back flats and blocks for a particular taxing pose, the instructor said, "Kris, you don't need the strap. You can easily grab your foot. You are really flexible." As I reached for my foot, comfortably grabbed the side of my foot, I thought, "Have I always been able to do this? Hello, Mr. Foot!" It was a proud and unexpected moment.
The class closes with some floor time and a lavender sachet of goodness on my eyes. It was wonderful and difficult and cleansing. There's no chanting and mediting in this particilar class - but when we do relaxation, I do concentrate on praying. Not humming or touching base with my inner self. :)
I'm curious to see how the limbs are feeling in the morning. We have six miles to hit in the early hours...should I try it in the warrior pose?
:) Happy Easter!
The first class was free. After a week of emails between the teacher and myself (and the promise of the first class being free), I went. With much trepidation. Truly. And a lot of prayer. While I was after the stretch and the strength, the dive into eastern mysticism wasn't part of the agenda.
The class lived up to its name: Gentle Yoga was indeed gentler than expected. And also much more difficult than I'd imagined. No unyielding pretzel poses. Nothing I wasn't able to get out of once I got into them. Sweat was part of the experience, which was a welcome surprise.
Upon leaving the class, I felt pleasantly flushed, very "worked out" and very "in touch" with the ground. A nice nap would have been the perfect touch. Ahhhhh.
The next morning, I could barely move. Yeowch.
The second gentle yoga class happened today. The class was different. Harder, I think. We struck a warrior pose. Then a warrior II pose. As sweat dripped from my brow, I tilted my ankles in, held my poses, relaxed my shoulders, tilted my pelvic core and engaged my muscles. My head hurt a little from thinking of so much at once. I have to say, as Jean (our yoga instructor) made her rounds through the class, she only readjusted my pose once. I felt like the smart kid in the class. Silly, I know.
And then, as we utilized straps, and toe tilts and back flats and blocks for a particular taxing pose, the instructor said, "Kris, you don't need the strap. You can easily grab your foot. You are really flexible." As I reached for my foot, comfortably grabbed the side of my foot, I thought, "Have I always been able to do this? Hello, Mr. Foot!" It was a proud and unexpected moment.
The class closes with some floor time and a lavender sachet of goodness on my eyes. It was wonderful and difficult and cleansing. There's no chanting and mediting in this particilar class - but when we do relaxation, I do concentrate on praying. Not humming or touching base with my inner self. :)
I'm curious to see how the limbs are feeling in the morning. We have six miles to hit in the early hours...should I try it in the warrior pose?
:) Happy Easter!
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
encouraged
1. St. Paddy's Day 5K dash on Sunday. Me, Lee, Hope, some of our friends and a friend for Hope.
2. Dick's after the dash. I know, I know.
3. Danny and Adam lived to see another day on American Idol. Yes.
4. Hope passed off a section @ Awana and got an award. Scripture memorization is a good thing.
6. Nancy. Loved chatting with her tonight. And love that "she gets me."
7. My sister, Katie. Loved that she called me unexpectedly past her bedtime. Loved that we yacked for an hour.
8. Sex and the City. Watching a re-run right now. LOVE, love this show. Serious.
9. Cool t-shirts. Liz brought over cool shirts for the Rock and Roll 1/2 marathon. Nike + Starbucks = nice.
10. Tons of people signed up for the R&R marathon @ work today. Slightly wondering if I should participate via World Vision.
11. Forgiveness. It's possible.
12. Jesus loves me. Tons. No matter what.
:) peace, k
2. Dick's after the dash. I know, I know.
3. Danny and Adam lived to see another day on American Idol. Yes.
4. Hope passed off a section @ Awana and got an award. Scripture memorization is a good thing.
6. Nancy. Loved chatting with her tonight. And love that "she gets me."
7. My sister, Katie. Loved that she called me unexpectedly past her bedtime. Loved that we yacked for an hour.
8. Sex and the City. Watching a re-run right now. LOVE, love this show. Serious.
9. Cool t-shirts. Liz brought over cool shirts for the Rock and Roll 1/2 marathon. Nike + Starbucks = nice.
10. Tons of people signed up for the R&R marathon @ work today. Slightly wondering if I should participate via World Vision.
11. Forgiveness. It's possible.
12. Jesus loves me. Tons. No matter what.
:) peace, k
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
please pray...
for little Gavin...I've been following their blog and his plight has grabbed my heart.
http://gavinowens.blogspot.com/2009/03/tuesday-update.html
http://gavinowens.blogspot.com/2009/03/tuesday-update.html
Monday, March 2, 2009
just for today...
Lent began last Wednesday. Ash Wednesday, to be exact.
Lent isn't something I typically pay a lot of attention to. Reminders of daily mass and Catholic traditions start swirling. Not that Catholicism is horrible. It's what I grew up with and it didn't do a lot for me or my understanding of who God is. I definitely believed in God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. The rest was a sea of motion, wafers, rosary beads and confessionals. No heart in it at all.
When one of my co-workers brought Lent to the table, my initial reaction was, "Lent. Yeah, yeah. Backdoor Catholocism."
What was shared was actually awesome. And gave me pause. What would I do with the 40 days leading up to Easter? Do I really believe in the importance of this time? Or do I believe more in staying comfortable with "business as usual."
I'm wrestling SO hugely with a few things in my life right now. One has been "a companion" since childhood and the other is an area that needs healing and forgiveness. In honor of Lent and what Christ did for me on the cross, I'm going to offer those things up. One "lent day" at a time.
I'm ashamed to admit that I offered the healing and forgiveness part up right away. I've commited to pray for some folks that wreaked a little havoc on my life. Today, they've all moved on and I'm the only one in the prison cell. Crazy thing is, I have the key to get out. Forgiveness. The other area - the "longtime companion" area - I've held on to for about five days. Even if something is bad for us - or is causing damage in our lives, it's still tough to let it go. And truthfully, I can't. I've tried more than a thousand times, I'm certain.
To quote an old "AA" phrase (and no, i'm not an alcoholic), "just for today" I will not follow my heart. The heart is deceitfully wicked (Jer 17:9). I will not do what feels good or what is easy or instant. I choose to put off immediate gratification that ultimately leads to selfishness and destruction. Just for today, I will not yield to the spirit of self-indulgence. Instead, I am committing to what is right. In honor of the Lord - and only with the Lord.
Dear Jesus, I remember what you did on the cross. And for today, I choose You. I choose You.
Kris
Lent isn't something I typically pay a lot of attention to. Reminders of daily mass and Catholic traditions start swirling. Not that Catholicism is horrible. It's what I grew up with and it didn't do a lot for me or my understanding of who God is. I definitely believed in God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. The rest was a sea of motion, wafers, rosary beads and confessionals. No heart in it at all.
When one of my co-workers brought Lent to the table, my initial reaction was, "Lent. Yeah, yeah. Backdoor Catholocism."
What was shared was actually awesome. And gave me pause. What would I do with the 40 days leading up to Easter? Do I really believe in the importance of this time? Or do I believe more in staying comfortable with "business as usual."
I'm wrestling SO hugely with a few things in my life right now. One has been "a companion" since childhood and the other is an area that needs healing and forgiveness. In honor of Lent and what Christ did for me on the cross, I'm going to offer those things up. One "lent day" at a time.
I'm ashamed to admit that I offered the healing and forgiveness part up right away. I've commited to pray for some folks that wreaked a little havoc on my life. Today, they've all moved on and I'm the only one in the prison cell. Crazy thing is, I have the key to get out. Forgiveness. The other area - the "longtime companion" area - I've held on to for about five days. Even if something is bad for us - or is causing damage in our lives, it's still tough to let it go. And truthfully, I can't. I've tried more than a thousand times, I'm certain.
To quote an old "AA" phrase (and no, i'm not an alcoholic), "just for today" I will not follow my heart. The heart is deceitfully wicked (Jer 17:9). I will not do what feels good or what is easy or instant. I choose to put off immediate gratification that ultimately leads to selfishness and destruction. Just for today, I will not yield to the spirit of self-indulgence. Instead, I am committing to what is right. In honor of the Lord - and only with the Lord.
Dear Jesus, I remember what you did on the cross. And for today, I choose You. I choose You.
Kris
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
a broken heart
This little guy is breaking my heart. He and his family need some serious prayer.
I had a few quippy things to blog about, but in light of this - no quippy blogging tonight.
I just started a study on Esther. Only a few days in, so I can't wax eloquent. But the bible study teacher says this: We know God is a miracle worker. He parted the red sea. But what happens when He doesn't do it? When the red sea doesn't part?
What happens when a precious baby boy has a body that is slowly killing him?
Or when cancer comes back?
When your spouse leaves?
When a woman watches her village killed, is gang raped, contracts HIV/AIDS and is pregnant from one of the rapes?
When soldiers kidnap children at night from their village - beat them and force them to kill their families?
When you lose your 3 year old to cancers after a 2-year battle?
When the unthinkable in your life happens...then what?
Who is God then? Will your packaged answers suffice? Or will you distance yourself from the reality of life.
In this lifetime, faith is tough to come by. It's even tougher when we think we have the answers.
Truth is, answers are something we don't have. And sometimes, God simply doesn't part the red sea. The miracle isn't what we expected. It's not beautiful. It's raw. And it hurts like hell.
The one thing I do know is- this life isn't all there is. While God may not part a red sea in my life, He is working out the miracle of the ordinary. Creating the extraordinary as the vice of pain grips us.
I don't what God is going to do for little Gavin. With all of my might, I am lifting that blonde baby up to the Lord and asking for a miracle. That He would heal Gavin's body. Lord, guide the hands of the surgeons. Give the operation complete success. I know He hears that. He loves Gavin beyond measure. He's there through the gut-wrenching days.
And if he doesn't part the red sea for this little boy, I know God will rejoice and cradle this sweet baby boy. I'm still praying boldly. Believing.
And doing my level best to believe there is always crazy, unabashed hope available. Even when the miracle happens on the other side.
Lord, help us understand. And have faith that makes sense according to your Word. Not according to what we think. We love you unashamedly. And faithfully. Amen.
I had a few quippy things to blog about, but in light of this - no quippy blogging tonight.
I just started a study on Esther. Only a few days in, so I can't wax eloquent. But the bible study teacher says this: We know God is a miracle worker. He parted the red sea. But what happens when He doesn't do it? When the red sea doesn't part?
What happens when a precious baby boy has a body that is slowly killing him?
Or when cancer comes back?
When your spouse leaves?
When a woman watches her village killed, is gang raped, contracts HIV/AIDS and is pregnant from one of the rapes?
When soldiers kidnap children at night from their village - beat them and force them to kill their families?
When you lose your 3 year old to cancers after a 2-year battle?
When the unthinkable in your life happens...then what?
Who is God then? Will your packaged answers suffice? Or will you distance yourself from the reality of life.
In this lifetime, faith is tough to come by. It's even tougher when we think we have the answers.
Truth is, answers are something we don't have. And sometimes, God simply doesn't part the red sea. The miracle isn't what we expected. It's not beautiful. It's raw. And it hurts like hell.
The one thing I do know is- this life isn't all there is. While God may not part a red sea in my life, He is working out the miracle of the ordinary. Creating the extraordinary as the vice of pain grips us.
I don't what God is going to do for little Gavin. With all of my might, I am lifting that blonde baby up to the Lord and asking for a miracle. That He would heal Gavin's body. Lord, guide the hands of the surgeons. Give the operation complete success. I know He hears that. He loves Gavin beyond measure. He's there through the gut-wrenching days.
And if he doesn't part the red sea for this little boy, I know God will rejoice and cradle this sweet baby boy. I'm still praying boldly. Believing.
And doing my level best to believe there is always crazy, unabashed hope available. Even when the miracle happens on the other side.
Lord, help us understand. And have faith that makes sense according to your Word. Not according to what we think. We love you unashamedly. And faithfully. Amen.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
bolts and gates and iron and bronze...
I've been feeling surprisingly "thrifty" of late. Spurred by the failing economy (which is no light-hearted matter), I've been bypassing the Starbucks' americano for coffee from my trusty homebrew. Gas for my car has been coming from Arco - which involves the transfer of green stuff vs the sliding of plastic. I've also been sacrificing my pension for all things organic and natural for a bit of "whatever's on sale."
...and ended like this. As someone on my facebook posting stated, "Now that's a guy secure in his mandhood." Oh, indeed he is. And, he's a good Daddy. :)
I miss Whole Foods. Oh yes. I do. I also have a coffee card that is "full up" from our weekend soirees. I'm saving it for that morning that can only be fixed by driving through and receiving strong java made at the hands of someone else.
The biggest news of the moment is the Rock and Roll Marathon. We're doing the half and are registered. Lee doesn't know it yet...his registration is part of his birthday present.
I'm actually very excited. The beginning of the journey is always full of much anticipation. Our actual training schedule begins next weekend: 17 weeks of hard work. I'm hoping beyond hope, that some weight will come off my frame. I need to incorporate more cardio and core during my weekday workouts. Which actually don't exist at this time. We've been walking 4.8 miles on the weekends - and I feel good that I can hit that mileage without dying.
This weekend, one of our new marathon buddies (Wendy) is taking us up Mt Peak in Enumclaw. 1.2 miles of "straight up hill." I'm not sure why I've agreed to this. Everyone else is game. So I just said, "yes." Wendy is bringing walking sticks for Liz and I, the bigger girls of the bunch. I have to tell the internets that hiking really isn't my thing. No, it is not. I'm certain a post of hilarity and humiliation will be just around the bend. As long as I don't hurt myself...then all will be well.
Speaking of "hurt" - I'm tending to a wounded arch. Or something in that region. Last Thursday, I worked from home. The sun was peeking out and made me feel "all summery" and optimistic. I slipped on some flipflops and spent the day firmly planted in them. Come to think of it, I wore them the night prior (to Awana). Lee is always telling me, "Those things are horrible for your feet, your arches, blah, blah, blah." I will only say this because he doesn't read this blog: my husband is right. But oh, in the name of fashion. I do adore flipflops.
I've been wearing some "special tennis shoes" that I feel are bulk-meisters. My Mom passed them my way after deciding they are too wide for her (read: my feet are wide). My orthotics fit perfectly within - and so that's what I've been wearing. Morning noon and night. Around the house. As I sit in my jammies at the computer. I've also been trying to stretch my calves, which are the tightest things this side of New Jersey. I think it's all linked. oye.
My last words for this rambling blog. I'm saving my "nics" for some new summer kicks. Runner's World ran an article this summer that I took note of. They rated summer sandals. The pair I'm getting can be found here: http://www.solesandals.com/ Not sure what sassy color I'm investing in, but invest, I will. Summer and flip flops just go together. Even if I have to pay 80 smacks for them. :) Which flies in the face of my recent thriftiness...but you can't put a price on foot health. Can you? :)
This fabulous photo was taken on Saturday by Ginger. We walked 4.8 with Hope and Erica in tow. The last mile was uphill and the girls were tuckered out. The decline began like this:
...and ended like this. As someone on my facebook posting stated, "Now that's a guy secure in his mandhood." Oh, indeed he is. And, he's a good Daddy. :) The bolts of your gates will be iron and bronze, and your strength will equal your days. Deut. 33:25
Happy trails to you! :)
kb
Sunday, January 11, 2009
this thing called weather...
...has not been my friend this year. Buckets of snow. Then torrents of rain. Flooding. Road closures. Craziness.
The snow stopped about a week and a half ago. Turned to rain. Never thought I would be so thankful for the wet stuff. Until it started flooding the creek down the hill. And the river on the backside of our development. Our home was in no danger of flooding - but the roads around us? Closed. The South Prairie Creek crested its banks and took out some houses and started flowing down the Buckley/Orting Highway. I've never seen such a thing.
On the way to church this morning, Hope and I noted that the "bus shed" (down the hill) was now on the opposite (and diagonal) side of the road. Wild stuff.
"Team Buckley" headed out for a 7.5 miler yesterday. We only made it 2 miles one way. The trail was washed out (and covered with feet of water). So our 7.5 miles because 4. Followed by our SBX coffee chat. :)
My baby turns nine in just one week. I can scarcely believe it. We're celebrating with a small gathering of girls for a Hannah Montana Build-a-Bear party. And by small, I mean "the least amount of girls we are allowed to bring" (six, for the record), and by Hannah Montana I mean the bear IS a Hannah Montana bear.
My dear friend and neighbor used to have her own cake biz with her mama and has graciously offered to help me create a Hannah Montana cake. It's a purple guitar. She seems confident that we can do this. And that I won't just be watching her craft while I watch with gaping jaw. :) She's given me a list of things to gather - fondant, silver cake dust...the list goes on. I'm hoping Michael's will be my one-stop shopping friend. I'm ever-so-grateful for Ginger's willingness to help and am hoping the cake ends up looking more like she crafted it and less like I did. Meaning, THAT IT WILL ROCK. :)
A post-Christmas birthday is not all it's cracked up to be...but I think it will be fabulous.
:)
Monday, January 5, 2009
oh bob, you slay me...
Oh Bob Harper, don't act like you didn't just kick my butt this morning. Ah well, I still think you're the cutest thing ever.
Anyone watch The Biggest Loser? Is trainer Bob Harper not the most adorable drill sergeant ever? I love Jillian too. I love Bob more. :)
Today is DAY 4 of the Prism program. Not a bad day.
I began the day with Bob a'la comcast on-demand. Just 23 minutes of core cardio. Oofta. That hurts. When I got up from the chair at Hope's cheer class, I was a little stiff. Especially the quads. To quote Bob, "Quad workouts are my FAVORITE." Massachist.
Tonight, after reading two chapters of Hope's latest true animal adventures, I realized I had been lying for too long. I couldn't get up. I rolled to the floor.
It wasn't pretty. But it's a good kind of ugly. That's fosho.
I made a dinner that Lee and Hope LOVED. I was shocked. I steamed chicken breasts and shredded them. Chopped up 10 whole-wheat tortillas. Jumbled them into a large pan with some chiles. Added red enchilada sauce. Simmered. Sprinkled with cheddar cheese. It was yummy. Served with salad - prism-friendly. If I could learn to make the enchilada sauce from scratch, even more healthy. Baby steps. Baby steps. :)
And finally, to end this random blog, I'd like to post my favorite things from today.
1. Israel & New Breed: Deeper. I downloaded this album to my iPod. It is in a word: amazing. Amazing worship. Love it.
2. No snow. No more needed here. :)
3. Routines. It's good to be back in one. Although, I sure enjoyed my time off. And a few jammie days.
4. Nancy. She is prism-ing with me. Blessed my socks off today.
5. Nine years. My little one is heading for that birthday in 12 days. We're celebrating with a Hannah Montana Build-a-Bear birthday. Not very many girls coming b/c it's a true expense. She's been wanting a birthday there for years. It's nice to be able to say "yes." And give her a sweet memory.
That's it from here. :) Praising Jesus today that I have a roof over my noggin. Two legs to carry me. And a body with weight to lose. :) Amen.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
What's colder than freezing?
It is crazy frigid outside. Unbelievable cold.
And if you know me, then you'll recognize what a statement this is. I'm almost never cold.
Part of the reason the cold is so personal to me today? We went for a walk. Our original 7.5 mile trek on the trail was nixed due to snow and ice. The trail is covered. And unplowed. Go figure.
Our neighborhood is not without ice and snow - but it has melted a bit. So off we went. Hope and I had made it about 3/4 of a mile when she talked me into a sidewalk trail so she could walk through the snow. I obliged. And quickly found myself on my derriere. With a little road rash on my shin. It didn't start hurting until I started thawing out (a good hour-plus later).
Dropped Hope off at the mile marker and went another 2 miles on my lonesome. Listened to a very encouraging and timely message on my iPod from Puyallup Foursquare.
http://media.p4square.com/pfc/video/low/20081011.mp4
Takes a bit for the video to cue. Matters of the heart. Those times (like now) whether I'm not sure the Lord is listening, a little nugget like this comes my way and encourages me. And makes me pause and examine motive.
I'm on "day 3" of the prism-quest. I'd be lying if I told you it was easy. Or that I haven't fallen a bit. But "fallen" looks like a handful of peanuts or cheating with a few chips vs. eating an entire carton of Ben and Jerry's or baking shortbread at 2 am so I can eat it all.
What I'm seeing very clearly is what a presence food is in my life. It's not just something that helps me survive. Food is a past time for me. A hobby. And without it, I'm a little lost. I abuse the very thing that God gives us to survive. Crazy. Now the trick is replacing that "lost love" with something else. The Lord. A new habit. :) Something.
My sister suggested cross stitching...so I've been doing more of that lately. Our house is also very, very clean. And while I'm not hungry, I would love to bury myself in a bowl of something warm and buttery. But I won't.
Dear Jesus, be with me. :)
And if you know me, then you'll recognize what a statement this is. I'm almost never cold.
Part of the reason the cold is so personal to me today? We went for a walk. Our original 7.5 mile trek on the trail was nixed due to snow and ice. The trail is covered. And unplowed. Go figure.
Our neighborhood is not without ice and snow - but it has melted a bit. So off we went. Hope and I had made it about 3/4 of a mile when she talked me into a sidewalk trail so she could walk through the snow. I obliged. And quickly found myself on my derriere. With a little road rash on my shin. It didn't start hurting until I started thawing out (a good hour-plus later).
Dropped Hope off at the mile marker and went another 2 miles on my lonesome. Listened to a very encouraging and timely message on my iPod from Puyallup Foursquare.
http://media.p4square.com/pfc/video/low/20081011.mp4
Takes a bit for the video to cue. Matters of the heart. Those times (like now) whether I'm not sure the Lord is listening, a little nugget like this comes my way and encourages me. And makes me pause and examine motive.
I'm on "day 3" of the prism-quest. I'd be lying if I told you it was easy. Or that I haven't fallen a bit. But "fallen" looks like a handful of peanuts or cheating with a few chips vs. eating an entire carton of Ben and Jerry's or baking shortbread at 2 am so I can eat it all.
What I'm seeing very clearly is what a presence food is in my life. It's not just something that helps me survive. Food is a past time for me. A hobby. And without it, I'm a little lost. I abuse the very thing that God gives us to survive. Crazy. Now the trick is replacing that "lost love" with something else. The Lord. A new habit. :) Something.
My sister suggested cross stitching...so I've been doing more of that lately. Our house is also very, very clean. And while I'm not hungry, I would love to bury myself in a bowl of something warm and buttery. But I won't.
Dear Jesus, be with me. :)
Saturday, January 3, 2009
day 2...
no sugar. no white flour. no processed foods.
it's been a dark day, charlie brown.
seriously. i've done alright. i will say that food has become a past time for me. a lover, if you will. and i'd be lying if i said i didn't miss it. oh. but i do. but i know that i've got to overcome the addicion of it. and that is what stinks.
the program i'm doing is focused on two things: healthy eating and breaking emotional ties to foods. No chips. No crackers. No potatoes for the first 6 weeks.
A friend of mine who is doing the program as well said she had some fritos last night. Because they are made with corn and semi-prism friendly. (sidenote: are fritos fried? if so, that makes them not prism friendly at all). She had one serving. It's a violation of the Phase 1 rules - but I thought about it. Should I bend the rules too? If something is on the list, but it's still made with good stuff, should I do it?
For me, eating a serving of fritos, or having just one cookie is like letting an alcoholic have "one sip of beer." It's ridiculous.
So I said no to the frito. Of which an entire bag resides in our cupboard. And you're right. I don't have the most supportive familia in the world when it comes to diet. It's my world that needs to change, not theirs.
I've had some revelations today. Regarding eating and jonesing and my headspace. Nothing for the blogwaves...but I am seeing some things. I just don't know how to heal and overcome.
Crazy. I know it will get easier. But for now, I'll be glad when my head is on the pillow and I am asleep. :) Day 2 will be under my belt.
:)
it's been a dark day, charlie brown.
seriously. i've done alright. i will say that food has become a past time for me. a lover, if you will. and i'd be lying if i said i didn't miss it. oh. but i do. but i know that i've got to overcome the addicion of it. and that is what stinks.
the program i'm doing is focused on two things: healthy eating and breaking emotional ties to foods. No chips. No crackers. No potatoes for the first 6 weeks.
A friend of mine who is doing the program as well said she had some fritos last night. Because they are made with corn and semi-prism friendly. (sidenote: are fritos fried? if so, that makes them not prism friendly at all). She had one serving. It's a violation of the Phase 1 rules - but I thought about it. Should I bend the rules too? If something is on the list, but it's still made with good stuff, should I do it?
For me, eating a serving of fritos, or having just one cookie is like letting an alcoholic have "one sip of beer." It's ridiculous.
So I said no to the frito. Of which an entire bag resides in our cupboard. And you're right. I don't have the most supportive familia in the world when it comes to diet. It's my world that needs to change, not theirs.
I've had some revelations today. Regarding eating and jonesing and my headspace. Nothing for the blogwaves...but I am seeing some things. I just don't know how to heal and overcome.
Crazy. I know it will get easier. But for now, I'll be glad when my head is on the pillow and I am asleep. :) Day 2 will be under my belt.
:)
Friday, January 2, 2009
the test of the jo-jo
that's right. the test of the jo-jo.
ate a late breakfast. balanced, carb-friendly and calorie-exact. went grocery shopping right around lunch time. it's a family affair - so a friend of hope's came with. and as habit would have, lee bought a thousand pounds of jo-jo potatoes. battered, deep-friend goodness. not normally a temptation for me - but i quickly found how truly hungry i was.
i resisted the tempting of the jo-jo. actually, i ate one small one. after the troops had ravaged them all. just one.
lee decided he wanted an ice cream cone on the way out. hope stood strong with me (thank you for my girl!) - while lee and lyssie waited in line. i'm not an ice cream lover anyhow - but i was darn hungry.
note to self: don't go grocery shopping without a lunch plan in place. by the time we arrived back home, it was well after 2 pm. i calorically (sp?) balanced some nibbles and digested a little sustenance.
currently drinking herbal tea. wishing i wasn't married to the will power or gibraltar. steak and veggies on the menu for tonight.
this may end up being a three-blog day. oh Lord of the diets, deliver me.
:)
ate a late breakfast. balanced, carb-friendly and calorie-exact. went grocery shopping right around lunch time. it's a family affair - so a friend of hope's came with. and as habit would have, lee bought a thousand pounds of jo-jo potatoes. battered, deep-friend goodness. not normally a temptation for me - but i quickly found how truly hungry i was.
i resisted the tempting of the jo-jo. actually, i ate one small one. after the troops had ravaged them all. just one.
lee decided he wanted an ice cream cone on the way out. hope stood strong with me (thank you for my girl!) - while lee and lyssie waited in line. i'm not an ice cream lover anyhow - but i was darn hungry.
note to self: don't go grocery shopping without a lunch plan in place. by the time we arrived back home, it was well after 2 pm. i calorically (sp?) balanced some nibbles and digested a little sustenance.
currently drinking herbal tea. wishing i wasn't married to the will power or gibraltar. steak and veggies on the menu for tonight.
this may end up being a three-blog day. oh Lord of the diets, deliver me.
:)
the resolution that never ends...
It's probably the #1 resolution on most folks' lists. Weight loss. I think this has been my goal since I was...7? Maybe 8? Not pretty.
Last year I accomplished a personal best: I finished a half-marathon. I will say, it nearly killed me.
Not really "killed" - but the last few miles were brutal. Pieces of my soul were left on the hills (and by hills, I mean mountains) of Tacoma.
Not sure what happened to me after that. Well, I do know. And it's not meant for the blog waves. I had a personal issue (and by issue, I mean catastrophe) that came screaming to a head.
It's tough to exercise and keep one's life afloat.
Personal issue/catastrophe is still there - but not screaming right now. So what comes to mind next? Losing weight. And by weight, I mean the equivalent of a teenager.
I have two health issues that are just peeking their ugly heads to the surface. I've got to deal with them before they deal with me. Or kill me.
Surgery was also part of 2008's fun. An injury that *could* happen to anyone. If they were 60. or 80. Surgery followed along with six weeks of recovery.
A girl has a lot of time to ponder and think in six weeks. And hit bottom. And eat. And read. And eat some more.
If losing weight was as easy as just hopping on a diet, why, I'd be walking a runway somewhere (model, not airplane). In my life, that's not the case. I'm an addict. And at this point in my life, the addiction is food. Early on in life, it was alcohol. And at different points in my life, other things have been abused as well.
When I started training for the Chicago Marathon, I chronicled the journey in a blog - and am going to do it again here.
We are registering for the Rock-n-Roll Marathon (half). June 27th is the date. I would like to be in a place to jog a little of it - or to walk faster than I did for the Tacoma Half.
I've joined Overeater's Anonymous (OA)- although I don't have all of my ducks in a row with their materials. Am working on it.
Danielle and I are doing Prism together. It's the thing that worked for me five years ago - it's just hard to live that way. Part of OA is deciding what abstinence looks like. For me, abstinence has to come in the form of no white sugar, white flour or processed foods. That's my truest addiction. In alcoholic volumes. Prism is just that - removing those things from one's life. And relying on the Lord to heal and grow and sustain.
Today is Prism: Day 1. I've been working up to it this week. Not perfectly, but it's been a few days since I've had any sugar.
Reading some introspective books (When Food is Love) and trying to dig deeply into the root of my issue. I know what it is. But knowing and being free are very different things.
So that's my update for the 2nd day of 2009. :) I'm taking it one day at a time. Living in this very moment. Knowing that being thin doesn't heal all things. But hopefully the process to losing weight and being free from an addiction will heal my heart.
Happy 2009! :)
Last year I accomplished a personal best: I finished a half-marathon. I will say, it nearly killed me.
Not really "killed" - but the last few miles were brutal. Pieces of my soul were left on the hills (and by hills, I mean mountains) of Tacoma.
Not sure what happened to me after that. Well, I do know. And it's not meant for the blog waves. I had a personal issue (and by issue, I mean catastrophe) that came screaming to a head.
It's tough to exercise and keep one's life afloat.
Personal issue/catastrophe is still there - but not screaming right now. So what comes to mind next? Losing weight. And by weight, I mean the equivalent of a teenager.
I have two health issues that are just peeking their ugly heads to the surface. I've got to deal with them before they deal with me. Or kill me.
Surgery was also part of 2008's fun. An injury that *could* happen to anyone. If they were 60. or 80. Surgery followed along with six weeks of recovery.
A girl has a lot of time to ponder and think in six weeks. And hit bottom. And eat. And read. And eat some more.
If losing weight was as easy as just hopping on a diet, why, I'd be walking a runway somewhere (model, not airplane). In my life, that's not the case. I'm an addict. And at this point in my life, the addiction is food. Early on in life, it was alcohol. And at different points in my life, other things have been abused as well.
When I started training for the Chicago Marathon, I chronicled the journey in a blog - and am going to do it again here.
We are registering for the Rock-n-Roll Marathon (half). June 27th is the date. I would like to be in a place to jog a little of it - or to walk faster than I did for the Tacoma Half.
I've joined Overeater's Anonymous (OA)- although I don't have all of my ducks in a row with their materials. Am working on it.
Danielle and I are doing Prism together. It's the thing that worked for me five years ago - it's just hard to live that way. Part of OA is deciding what abstinence looks like. For me, abstinence has to come in the form of no white sugar, white flour or processed foods. That's my truest addiction. In alcoholic volumes. Prism is just that - removing those things from one's life. And relying on the Lord to heal and grow and sustain.
Today is Prism: Day 1. I've been working up to it this week. Not perfectly, but it's been a few days since I've had any sugar.
Reading some introspective books (When Food is Love) and trying to dig deeply into the root of my issue. I know what it is. But knowing and being free are very different things.
So that's my update for the 2nd day of 2009. :) I'm taking it one day at a time. Living in this very moment. Knowing that being thin doesn't heal all things. But hopefully the process to losing weight and being free from an addiction will heal my heart.
Happy 2009! :)
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Happy New Year!!!
I may come up with a verbose new year post later this week, but for now, here it is.
1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
I completed my first half-marathon (Tacoma City Marathon). I also had repair surgery that I don't care to detail - nor do I hope has to be repaired again. :)
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I completed the half marathon. That was the goal. And another "unspoken" goal that isn't meant for blogwaves, was met. My resolutions for this year:
-Drop 50 pounds
-Complete RNR 1/2 marathon in June. Possible jog some of it.
-Instilling a little more daily orgnization into my life.
-Finishing the cross stitch Christmas stocking that I've been working on longer than I care to share. :)
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes! My friend Jeanette and Mike have a new bundle of joy...Shayne Louise. :)
4. Did anyone close to you die?
A friend/co-worker's husband took his life. He wasn't close to me - but she is.
5. What countries did you visit?
Mazatlan, Mexico. :)
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Less of me. More of God.
7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
The half-marathon, for sure. July 11: the resurrection of the unspoken. :) The death of a friendship. The resurrection and healing of some old ones. Oh, and the massive snow storm of December. (ugh).
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I don't know why, but this half-marathon comes up ove and over. And the unspoken would be here too.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Losing weight. Or not losing it, I should say.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yes and yes. Injury early October. Surgery mid-November.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Our acura MDX. It's a joy to use as a family. Seriously.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My crockpot. A new best friend and truly reliable and life-changing. yes.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Christians in general. A former employer. Nuff said.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Home improvement. Health care.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The half-marathon. Seeing Celine Dion with Shelly. Being in Mexico, once we had been there a few days. Our trip to AZ in August. Hope's Santa Parade experience. Seeing my sister (Katie) in September (in Portland). Oh! And going to see Journey with Lee (and Ginger/Shane).
16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Gosh, I don't know. Probably Celine's "Taking Chances"
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? happier, I think
b) thinner or fatter? the same. maybe plus 10. I just recovered from surgery tho.
c) richer or poorer? the same.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Exercise post-Tacoma marathon.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? eating.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
Hope and I went to service on Christmas Eve at Puyallup Foursquare. T'was fabulous. Lee's family came to our digs on Christmas Day. It was really a fun and lovely time. Aided by our new Wii. I'm not sure why - but it was a very good celebration of Jesus! :)
21. Did you fall in love in 2008? No.
22. What was your favorite TV program? I have a few, but I'll have to say House, hands-down. I love that guy. And I do love me some Housewives of Atlanta. NeNe forever. :)
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I don't hate anyone. But a few peeps have removed themselves from my life, and that is something to process - fosho.
24. What was the best book you read?
I read quite a few books and nothing is really standing out. Wait, "Here if You Need Me" by Kate Braestrup (thank you, Shelly!). It was phenomenal. Gorgeous writing. Thoughtful take on grief. The book I read that was a big disappointment was...The Shack.
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Israel Houghton and New Breed. I knew of him before, but after he led worship for us at WV's DOP, I'm a fan!
26. What did you want and get?
The saving of something "unspoken." And a little healing of my past.
27. What did you want and not get?
lose weight. (yadda yadda)
28. What was your favorite film of this year?
I'll start off with something impressive: During one of my recovery weekends (from surgery), I watched all three Lord of the Rings. Loved, loved, loved them. Something less impressive that I also loved: Sex and the City. I'm saying it loud and saying it proud. Please deal. :)
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 40 this year. And was in the midst of a personal "unspoken" time. But my friends and neighbors came over and gave me a lovely hoorah! :) Co-workers too. :)
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I can't say it here. :) But the other would be...if Obama wouldn't have been elected in. I know, I know. Just don't think he's the real-deal.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Besides work out gear? Wear what fits. Hoping to change that one.
32. What kept you sane?
I would like to say the Lord - and I know he was there. But mostly, it was my sister Katie. My memory and humor creator. I love you, scoot. And a few well placed counselors. Amen and amen. You know who you are. :)
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I really enjoy Kristin Armstrong. Her blog. Her writing. (ex-wife of Lance and marathoner). I guess the other would be John McCain. I was disappointed that he crumbled to the masses during his campaign (selection of Sarah Palin, imo). His kind of patrioticism is going to the wayside, I do believe.
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Not so much the election (although it was there). The blind acceptance by conservative evanglicals of Sarah Palin - simply b/c she wore the title Christian. And abortion. Interesting to see so many "conservative evangelicals" voting democratic and not having Obama's stance on abortion matter much in the scheme of their vote. Pastor Roger laid it out best, I think: "it's not a judgment. it just is. life begins before conception. we believe this as Christians." For the record, I was not a big fan of Sarah, but I did vote for McCain. And I am pro-life.
Separately, the child soldier bill passing. Crumbling of Zimbabwe and mass exodus of NGO's (via government direct).
35. Who did you miss?
Lee's Mom. Always.
36. Who was the best new person you met?
Myself. :) True story. And she's not new, but reconnecting with Nancy. :) Oh, and I could lump Jeanie Skeith in here. True and strong women of the Lord. :)
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
Guard your heart, for it is the well-spring of life. Not everyone is meant to walk closely as a friend. Sometimes, that includes family. Holding things loosely. Guarding my words and what I share more closely. And getting to know the Lord in a new way. He doesn't look like he used to. But He's still a good guy.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
My heart will go on.... (celine)
Happy New Year!!!!
1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
I completed my first half-marathon (Tacoma City Marathon). I also had repair surgery that I don't care to detail - nor do I hope has to be repaired again. :)
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I completed the half marathon. That was the goal. And another "unspoken" goal that isn't meant for blogwaves, was met. My resolutions for this year:
-Drop 50 pounds
-Complete RNR 1/2 marathon in June. Possible jog some of it.
-Instilling a little more daily orgnization into my life.
-Finishing the cross stitch Christmas stocking that I've been working on longer than I care to share. :)
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes! My friend Jeanette and Mike have a new bundle of joy...Shayne Louise. :)
4. Did anyone close to you die?
A friend/co-worker's husband took his life. He wasn't close to me - but she is.
5. What countries did you visit?
Mazatlan, Mexico. :)
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Less of me. More of God.
7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
The half-marathon, for sure. July 11: the resurrection of the unspoken. :) The death of a friendship. The resurrection and healing of some old ones. Oh, and the massive snow storm of December. (ugh).
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I don't know why, but this half-marathon comes up ove and over. And the unspoken would be here too.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Losing weight. Or not losing it, I should say.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yes and yes. Injury early October. Surgery mid-November.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Our acura MDX. It's a joy to use as a family. Seriously.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My crockpot. A new best friend and truly reliable and life-changing. yes.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Christians in general. A former employer. Nuff said.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Home improvement. Health care.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The half-marathon. Seeing Celine Dion with Shelly. Being in Mexico, once we had been there a few days. Our trip to AZ in August. Hope's Santa Parade experience. Seeing my sister (Katie) in September (in Portland). Oh! And going to see Journey with Lee (and Ginger/Shane).
16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Gosh, I don't know. Probably Celine's "Taking Chances"
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? happier, I think
b) thinner or fatter? the same. maybe plus 10. I just recovered from surgery tho.
c) richer or poorer? the same.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Exercise post-Tacoma marathon.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? eating.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
Hope and I went to service on Christmas Eve at Puyallup Foursquare. T'was fabulous. Lee's family came to our digs on Christmas Day. It was really a fun and lovely time. Aided by our new Wii. I'm not sure why - but it was a very good celebration of Jesus! :)
21. Did you fall in love in 2008? No.
22. What was your favorite TV program? I have a few, but I'll have to say House, hands-down. I love that guy. And I do love me some Housewives of Atlanta. NeNe forever. :)
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I don't hate anyone. But a few peeps have removed themselves from my life, and that is something to process - fosho.
24. What was the best book you read?
I read quite a few books and nothing is really standing out. Wait, "Here if You Need Me" by Kate Braestrup (thank you, Shelly!). It was phenomenal. Gorgeous writing. Thoughtful take on grief. The book I read that was a big disappointment was...The Shack.
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Israel Houghton and New Breed. I knew of him before, but after he led worship for us at WV's DOP, I'm a fan!
26. What did you want and get?
The saving of something "unspoken." And a little healing of my past.
27. What did you want and not get?
lose weight. (yadda yadda)
28. What was your favorite film of this year?
I'll start off with something impressive: During one of my recovery weekends (from surgery), I watched all three Lord of the Rings. Loved, loved, loved them. Something less impressive that I also loved: Sex and the City. I'm saying it loud and saying it proud. Please deal. :)
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 40 this year. And was in the midst of a personal "unspoken" time. But my friends and neighbors came over and gave me a lovely hoorah! :) Co-workers too. :)
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I can't say it here. :) But the other would be...if Obama wouldn't have been elected in. I know, I know. Just don't think he's the real-deal.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Besides work out gear? Wear what fits. Hoping to change that one.
32. What kept you sane?
I would like to say the Lord - and I know he was there. But mostly, it was my sister Katie. My memory and humor creator. I love you, scoot. And a few well placed counselors. Amen and amen. You know who you are. :)
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I really enjoy Kristin Armstrong. Her blog. Her writing. (ex-wife of Lance and marathoner). I guess the other would be John McCain. I was disappointed that he crumbled to the masses during his campaign (selection of Sarah Palin, imo). His kind of patrioticism is going to the wayside, I do believe.
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Not so much the election (although it was there). The blind acceptance by conservative evanglicals of Sarah Palin - simply b/c she wore the title Christian. And abortion. Interesting to see so many "conservative evangelicals" voting democratic and not having Obama's stance on abortion matter much in the scheme of their vote. Pastor Roger laid it out best, I think: "it's not a judgment. it just is. life begins before conception. we believe this as Christians." For the record, I was not a big fan of Sarah, but I did vote for McCain. And I am pro-life.
Separately, the child soldier bill passing. Crumbling of Zimbabwe and mass exodus of NGO's (via government direct).
35. Who did you miss?
Lee's Mom. Always.
36. Who was the best new person you met?
Myself. :) True story. And she's not new, but reconnecting with Nancy. :) Oh, and I could lump Jeanie Skeith in here. True and strong women of the Lord. :)
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
Guard your heart, for it is the well-spring of life. Not everyone is meant to walk closely as a friend. Sometimes, that includes family. Holding things loosely. Guarding my words and what I share more closely. And getting to know the Lord in a new way. He doesn't look like he used to. But He's still a good guy.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
My heart will go on.... (celine)
Happy New Year!!!!
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